Adoption

^{Romans 8}

¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

^{Ephesians 1}

⁴ For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵ he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will

So, after one terrible round of clomiphene Mitchell and I have decided to stop pursuing fertility treatments. We have now started the long paperwork intensive path to adoption.

There is a lot going through my mind as we embark on this path. Yet I have hope.

I trust that someday our house will be full of little foot steps. The child will not be from my belly but rather a child that I have prayed for and will one day meet, born from a different mother.

Please join us in praying for our future child. Please join us in praying for the birth mother wherever she is. It is hard not knowing anything. I don't know if my child is already born or even if the mother knows that she is pregnant yet. Please pray for peace within me and please pray that the process goes quickly.

New Paths

Through much prayer and searching Mitch and I have decided to pursue a new course. Please keep us in your prayers. I will share more info with everyone soon!

Thanks everyone.

Job:

I have been feeling just empty and lonely lately. I started re-reading the book of Job because I feel like Job. It seems in my life that many things are not what I would want for them to be. Rather than complain and all that... I'd rather... well...

Job has three "friends" that are trying to tell him different things... that he did something to deserve what was happening and even his wife told him to curse God. I feel like all those derogatory voices are coming from within my head. I am doing my best to block out all the negativity I have been telling myself. (All these fertility meds are so "hormone-y" and I am sure that does NOT help my head state right now)

I wanted to share a part of Job that has been really speaking to me these last couple of days.

⁸ “But if I go to the east, he is not there;
if I go to the west, I do not find him.
⁹ When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.
¹⁰ But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
¹¹ My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.
¹² I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread.

¹³ “But he stands alone, and who can oppose him?
He does whatever he pleases.
¹⁴ He carries out his decree against me,
and many such plans he still has in store.
¹⁵ That is why I am terrified before him;
when I think of all this, I fear him.
¹⁶ God has made my heart faint;
the Almighty has terrified me.
¹⁷ Yet I am not silenced by the darkness,
by the thick darkness that covers my face.

I am certain that on the other side of this I will have more strength than I have now, which is more than I had at the start of this and that is more than I had before that. I know that God still has big plans for my life like Job says in verse 14. I trust that.

I love the image in my mind of me being tested and purified to create something brilliant and shining. I wanted to know how to refine gold so I looked up on eHow. To summarize:

1. Put gold in container then add nitric acid and let it sit for 30 minutes.

2. Add hydrochloric acid and muriatic acid. The mix will turn brown and will become very hot.

3. After an hour filter out any particles that could contaminate the gold. The mixture will be a clear emerald green if not do it again.

4. Add urea to balance the ph. Slowly add boiling water. It will foam so don't add it too quickly or else you will lose gold in the overflow. Once the foaming is done you are done. The ph has now gone from .1 to 1. The nitric acid is killed but the hydrochloric acid is not.

5. Add storm precipitate to the mixture with boiling water. Slowly add this to the acid. The mixture will become muddy. Allow 30 minutes for the gold to form. Check the mixture to ensure that no gold will be thrown away.

6. Pour out the acid through a filter. In the bottom you will have something that looks like mud. This is the gold. Add water. Rinse three or four times with water. Pour aqua ammonia on the gold. White vapors will appear. Rinse with water then let dry. There is your gold.

It all seems very painful. Though I love how careful the process is... that it is done delicately to protect and retain the value of the gold. It can be especially painful in the moment. It can feel like acid and boiling water inside of me. But I trust that God knows what He is doing. I trust that the pain will bring great joy one day. In the end of Job it says that he was blessed more in the last part of his life than in the first. He has beautiful children and he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation! That is so amazing.

Trust is easy when the road is flat and straight but as I walk into the forest and brambles crawl across the path and the sun is almost invisible because of the obscuring leaves and vines this is when trust can be difficult. It is hard to believe that God who I know has started a good work in me will continue it to completion (Philippians 1:6) Even though the sounds of critters in the forest is terrifying, I know that my redeemer lives and that His hand is guiding me.

Please continue to pray for Mitchell and me as we continue trusting God.

New Blog Look

I decided to revamp my blog! I hope you guys like it.

More Waiting...

A year ago Mitchell and I were getting ready to come back to the states. Our flight to Uganda was postponed due to the volcano though. We spent the next couple of days just playing with the kids and waiting (also taking care of a stomach bug that ran through the house).

That really was the beginning of a long series of waiting. We waited for our new flight. Then we waited for a month and a half for our house to close.

We are currently waiting for sweet Theo (our dog) to heal up from his 10 stitches that he will get out in a week. We also are waiting for our car to get out of the shop since we got rear ended on Friday. We also our waiting for good news. Please pray for us in our waiting time.

Wait wait wait...

Safari!

A year ago today I was on a safari.

When I close my eyes I still can see the giraffes graceful walk and the harte beasts leaping across the road and the elephants lumbering oh so spritely. I see the warthogs jumping around and water buffalo wallowing. I can see the hippo that we saw out of the water running.

I am so blessed to have seen all of those amazing things that God has made. It was a good birthday and today has been great too! Thanks for all of my birthday wishes friends!

I'm a Bad Blogger

Jonathan, just before Mitchell and I left in April, came to Acacia Tree on March 19, Mitchell's birthday
Norah came to Acacia Tree in mid February after I brought her back from an island on Lake Victoria tied to me. She doubled weight and began to smile this amazing smile!
In the time that I haven't blogged I missed talking about things that happened one year ago. I met Norah, met Jonathan, and today (one year ago) I was packing to go to a safari in Murchison Falls Uganda.

I haven't blogged so I am very bad. Norah is now safe and fat and back with her family. Jonathan seems to be getting healthy and hopefully will find a family soon.

I've been reading over my past journal entries to somewhat keep me distracted. Mitch and I continue trying to start a family and I keep peeing on sticks and they keep saying no and I keep having tests done. It all kind of sucks but there is not much I can do.

I've been just praying and waiting and that's all I can do I suppose.

On my birthday this Thursday I have a blood test. Please keep me in your prayers because all this infertility stuff sucks!