Living Room Makeover

A post not about adoption ;)

I love our 1950s ranch style house! I love it. I love it. I love it: quirky pink tile bathroom, beautiful wooden floors, picture frame paneling, sun drenched from all of our large windows... but, I have had a lot of issues designing our living room because it is long and skinny (15'x30'ish)

When we first viewed the home it was set up like this: 4 individual spaces (the fourth is the piano area but you can't see that in these photos)

Looking into the living room: first you see the sitting nook, the living area, then a table/vignette space

The sitting nook

The living area looking out onto the large porch

We liked this set up a lot but we didn't have the right furniture for it or the rugs or the ability to play with our daughter in this space. We did follow their basic set up of "sectioning" off the room

After living here for a while I got a little tired of the living room being soooo gray! If you know me, you know I need color. And pardon the mess I'm the mom of a TODDLER! There will be messes!

 We set about our redo of the living room: I started off the totally sane way of photoshopping the whole living room. I turned the couch gray (we physically switched the sofas though) added in extra pics and covered the pillows with bright fabric.

My re-work of the living area

My re-work of the play space

After struggling with rug finding and buying at least two (I can't remember how many now) we realized that we would have to have a 9x12 rug or a 5x7. 8x10 just didn't work in this space. We selected the "Throndale" rug in 5x7

We found this rug at Home Depot for a great price ($100)

Our sofa is the Karlstad from Ikea. We were able to purchase a new cover for the sofa for $150

Next, I needed a large piece of art the span the large wall and awkward size allotment needed to work on our paneled walls. Art is expensive so I bought a piece of birch wood and painted it with paint from our garage and mounted it on some 1x2 pine wood. The painting cost about $12 plus time. I call it "Home"

Art sitting behind the sofa. I bought fabric to re-make our pillows for $20

The next issue was figuring out how to mount it since the moulding sticks out half an inch from the wall. After much discussion I decided to nail into the raised part of the moulding and mounted it like that.

So.... duh, duh, duh, DUHHHNNNN, DONE!!!!

The big reveal!!!!

Our "new" space is much more inviting and doesn't feel like a long hallway anymore. 

I recovered the floral pillow on the couch and painted the lamp and made the lampshade. The painting looks great and I love how it anchors that whole wall!

These seating areas are much more inviting. I recovered the floral pillows and the blue one. I also made the funky Texas flag pillow siting on the brown chair. By placing the chair on the other side of the back door I bridged the two halves of the room (well, that was what I going for at least)

Looking towards the play area. The spaces work much better together now.

We "tried" to build her shelves but ended up buying some from Ikea. There is plenty of space now for her puzzles, puppets, instruments, and such.

For now this is her reading nook. I hope to find a piano soon to put on this wall. The rocking chair and doll crib were mine when I was little. I made the floor cushions.

My serious girl hard at work. We bought the Don Quixote painting while we were in Puerto Rico and her Noah's ark set is from Uganda. I bought the purple storage pieces at Ikea and the heart ones at Target. 

My next projects include finding more art for our living room and making a dining room table. I was inspired by these portraits in the Nordstrom's women's lounge

I'd like to paint a portrait but I've only ever painted one. 

Painting I did inspired by art seen in Hitchock's Rope

 I also want to build a long skinny table like this one that I saw at Antropologie

Sorry for the blur... I was shopping with a cranky toddler :)

What do you think of my re-do? What projects are you working on?

And don't worry, I didn't forget!

Cherokee lesson:
English:      home

Cherokee:  

Phonetic:    O we nv sv

As in: Our home is ready for you baby Martin! Come home soon!

All In!

As we continue to wait and wait and wait for our certification process to be complete I wanted to share some things with you.

Waiting is hard. I think all of us have had to do it in some form or manner. I've had to do a lot of waiting in my life: waiting through infertility, waiting to see the sun through a Pittsburgh winter, waiting to get to move home to Texas. I've waited a lot and tend to be pretty good at it but for some reason this waiting was seeming really easy (not like cake-walk easy but only cry or get emotional once or twice a week easy)

But I think it is about to get harder.

Why?

Because I'm all in, every breathe I have I'm going to be praying for mountains to move. Every moment I am dedicated to praying my child through, praying the birth family through. I have drawn my circle and am standing here. I will not be shaken.

The Bible says that if we tell the mountains to move that they will move. Right here, right now, and with every word I can muster I'm telling mountains to move, in Jesus name. I'm praying for my child to not be away from me for one more day than he or she has to. I'm praying that their situation is only as hard as it has to be to bring them to me. I'm praying that God is surrounding my child with my love, my voice, my smell so that when my son or daughter is placed in my arms they are home.

Home is not a building, the same way that Church is not a building. Home and Church both are lived out through the people that occupy the buildings (or tents or teepees or wigwams or log cabins)

Cherokee lesson (I thought that this would be fitting for today's post): igatseliga (ih-gah-tse-lih-gah) ᎢᎦᏤᎵᎦ  this means "we belong to each other"

We belong to each other. I belong to my child and my child belongs to me: we belong together. Therefore I will travel where ever I need, move any obstacle in my way, scale what needs to be scaled all to wrap my child in my arms and say "I'm here. Gvgeyuhi (I love you). I will not leave you, baby Martin."

Adoption Update

Long time no see!

We have been busy plugging along a bit and busy waiting a lot!

In mid-June we were assigned to a new caseworker so there was a several week pause as our file went to a different desk and the new caseworker got acquainted with ALL of her new cases. We finished our paperwork and worked really hard on our profile book. (If you would like to see it let me know, I would love to share it with you!)

Just last week Adelaide and I walked down to the post office to ship off the book. On Thursday we heard that our caseworker received the book and that "it was great" !!!!!!! We were really excited to hear this. I had been a little bit down because we were initially told it would take about 3 months to be certified but with adoption, any timeline may not be what it seems. At month 4.5 we were told it would be another month or two before we were assigned to a certification worker to complete our home study and our file making us ready to adopt. Hearing that our book was great put just the pep in my step that I needed!

We're coming for you, baby Martin! Slowly but surely.

Here at home we are making sure that our home is ready for the home study visit (baby proofing, locking away meds, fire arms, bows and arrows, bombs, gernades... you know the usual... just kidding :)) I've also been painting a Jenny Lind style changing table that I found on the side of the street for free. This was a serendipitous find because our crib is also Jenny Lind!

We've been studying a little bit more Cherokee language and history and I am in the process of making Adelaide a traditional Cherokee dress for a pow wow that we are going to in November.

For the most part our family has been very excited. They are joining us in praying and asking for updates often. On Saturday morning we sent a pic to Karen, my wonderful MIL, of the sign for the dachshund races at our town's Oktoberfest. She made me tear up a little when she texted back that her heart jumped when she saw the text had a pic because she thought it may be of our Cherokee baby!

With all the encouragement we have received however, I've been pretty heart broken by some family members' reactions and lack of reaction to our news.

In Isaiah 54, the prophet Isaiah was talking to Israel and is foreshadowing not only the bringing back in of the exiled people but also the bringing in of the Gentile peoples back to God and further more (because God is a God of fractals) it is not difficult or out of place to see that this is also drawing to mind the beautiful example of literal adoption. While talking to the barren, lonely woman, the author tells her to "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities" (v. 2-3)

Clearly God is telling us to generously open our home , give our energy, give our resources. DO NOT HOLD BACK! God is telling us to love largely because He desires to build us up and grow us.

Further in that same chapter it is written "All your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children's peace. In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you. If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you" (v. 13-15) and then in the last verse of that chapter it concludes that "No weapon forged against you will prevail"

I know that God has called us to adopt. I know that He has laid our path. I know that He has a plan and a desire, even in the hard days, to set the parent-less in families and to make our home joyful. Adoption is not easy, we know this, we are not ignorant or foolish to this part. We fully believe that if God has brought us to it He will guide us through the darkest of times and rejoice over us in the good times. 

To my family and friends who doubt or just don't know what to say (or to those of you who have family adopting and don't know how to react): Dig into the word of God, dig into books about parenting adopted children like "The Connected Child" by Dr. Karyn Purvis, pray without ceasing, and finally be joyful.

Please know that our family is most important to us. We know when to prune back those in our life that aren't bringing good fruit and who won't be productive in the long process of helping our child heal. Jesus made it quite clear that following him wasn't for the faint of heart, that hard choices would have to be made, that the choices would often be unpopular. In case anyone is doubting us: we are ALL IN! 

Bonus: Cherokee language lesson: Wado (wah-DOH) means thank you!

Adelaide with a freshly harvested carrot from our garden. This pic was from June

The Martin Family is Growing!

Mitchell, Adelaide, Theo and I are very excited to announce that we are ADOPTING!

We are working with Indian Child Welfare (ICW) and the Cherokee Nation to grow our family! Yesterday we turned in (nearly) all of our paperwork. I know many of you may have questions so... I'll try my best to answer them. Here are the basics (who, what, when, where, and why) I am more than happy to answer any other questions you may have :)

Who? We will be adopting an Indian child, newborn to reasonably younger than Adelaide, boy or girl :)

What? ICW works with Native kiddos and families. Native kids are protected by ICWA (the Indian Child Welfare Act) that ensures that their placement preference is family, their own tribe, then another federally recognized tribe. ICWA protects not only the children as individuals but the tribe as a whole. Mitchell's family is Cherokee so we are expecting a Cherokee placement though it could be any combination of tribe.

When? Any other adoptive parents looking at this are laughing right now because in the adoption world asking for a timeline is like asking when a drought is going to end... the truth is we have NO IDEA when a child will be placed in our home. The inquiry step (which is where we are now) will take a few months and then comes the certifying step that includes the home study and such and then comes placement... it could be any amount of time. I've heard stories of placements within 2 months of being certified and stories of people waiting years. So to answer your question bluntly, I have no idea :)

Where? Our child could come from anywhere, Tribal Custody, state (any state though most likely OK or TX)... etc...

Why? Why in the world would we want to take on all these unknowns? Why in the world would we want to raise "someone else's" kid? Why would we want to take on the risks? What if the child hates you?

It seems crazy to me because adoption has been on my heart for nearly a decade now but people ask these questions! Family asks me these questions! Strangers ask me these questions! The truth is pretty simple yet infinitely deep. Put simply: because God has called me to this, God has led by example:

Romans 8:14-16

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather the Spirt you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

When it says "your adoption to sonship" the Greek term refers to FULL legal standing of an adopted male heir in Roman culture.  God didn't just adopt us to "get us off the street" God adopted us to pull us in close as his children, God adopted us into FULL sonship, FULL heirs. (Let me say now, that if you don't know God, if you don't understand that He loves you and has amazing plans for your life that he wants to lead you in, please know that He does, indeed, love you. He wants to embrace you and give you joy!)

Psalm 68:5-6

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in family
he leads out the prisoners with singing;
but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

God is a father to the fatherless. He comforts those in need! Why would I not follow in His ways? He gave me peace and comfort. Why would I NOT pass that on?

James 1:27

Pure and undefiled religion is this; caring for widows and orphans.

On a more personal note, my answer to "Why?" started when I was 15. My sophomore year was not easy but God was gracious and I was able to find refuge in Him. In my many conversations with Him I wanted to know my purpose, my plan, my mission. And He answered. My third draft of my purpose statement was "To raise God's family, everyone, to realize the true love that God offers, the true hope and joy" I wrote that February 16, 2004 just after I had written down a lullaby that was in my head that I wanted to remember to sing to my someday child.

God grew my vision for my future family the summer of 2005 when, at a routine check up, I was told that I may never have a biological child (that doctor should get the award for Worst Bedside Manner) Though we all now know that I was (eventually) able to have a belly baby I am thankful (yes can you believe that I am writing this), thankful for infertility (tears in my eyes) because it got me thinking about other ways to grow a family. As I started learning more and more about adoption and what it means and what it doesn't mean, adoption became a part of me; it wrapped itself around my heart and wove itself into my very being.

I got married in 2007 and had so much fun day dreaming with Mitch about what our family would look like one day. During class I would sketch pics of our family; a hodge podge of different races and ages but all united by love!

In 2010, Mitch and I actually put hands and feet to our passions as we cared for neglected and malnourished children in Uganda. There we got to see what love really looks like. Love that conquers all, love that overcomes aduse, love that overcomes tantrums, and attachment issues. love that doesn't see color but sees heart (just like Dr. King's dream) We also got to see the hard times, we got to experience those moments of "will this relationship ever work?" "is love going to be able to reach him?""what if she doesn't ever drink this milk? she's 14 months old and only weighs 10 lbs! Dear Lord, help me feed her" We got to experience those moments of heartache as we learned one of our kids was HIV+. We got to see the heartache of a mom who was "stuck" in the adoption process and had to leave her child in Africa with us for a month or two (she is now home with him and 2 more amazing children!)....

All that to say: we are infinitely aware that we are totally unaware of what our adoptive situation is going to look like! We realize that even if we get a "perfect" child there could be issues. We realize that if a "not-so-perfect" child is placed in our home that God has an amazing talent at turning the ashes into beauty!

Adoption is messy and can be painful or hard. But I am messy and experience pain and go through hard times... so does my husband... so does my daughter... so do you

Please join us in praying over a child; he or she may already be alive, or may be in his/her mother's belly, may not even be conceived yet. Join us in praying for our child's birth family, any situation that brings a child into the "system" is painful in every direction! Pray that God gives us specialized training for whatever our child may need. Pray that God continues to prepare Adelaide to be the amazing big sister that I know she will be!

Bonus: If you made it this far here is a mini Cherokee lesson!!!!
gvgeyuhi-(gu-GAY-yu-e) is Cherokee for "I love you"

Extravagance

Lately, the story of the prodigal son has been coming up a lot and what I have been noticing so much is how EXTRAVAGANTLY the father loves both of his sons. (*if you don't know the story read it here in Luke 15:11-32, it is a great story even if you aren't Christian or aren't sure about Christianity*) With the younger son it is quite obvious. The father BURSTS with joy at the sight of his son and does the very unbecoming thing to run to his son who had basically said, "I wish you were dead." The father welcomed his son with open arms and threw a feast for him. And in the midst of all this the older son, in a sense, throws a tantrum and the father leaves a feast full of joy to bid his precious son to come in and join the celebration saying, "All I have is yours, come celebrate that OUR love has returned."

A couple of days ago I came across a familiar verse, but I saw it in a new light:
     "As a mother, comforts her child, so will I comfort you" Isaiah 66:13a Darby Translation

I looked at it this time as a sort of challenge or exhortation. "Love your child as you want God to love and care for you."

I want God to love me EXTRAVAGANTLY. I want God to be patient with me, to teach me well and in love, not from a place of haughtiness, cockiness, or "O my gosh! why don't you know this yet?"-ness. I want God to reassure me of His love through work and deed constantly. I want God to make a big deal of my hurts. I want God to put the pinkiest-sparkliest-Barbie-est band-aids on my injuries, as if to say "Look at this terrible pain! We are going to fix it. We are going to make it all better, but as it heals we are going to care for your hurt, and you, gently and lovingly." I want God to equip me to live out my purpose. I want God to be my safe haven, my trusted counselor, my closest friend. I want to know that God is prepared for the day of calamity so I can rest in peace. I want His assurance that the storms will pass and while we wait I want to know that God has a flashlight, a board game and some bottled water to help us through it. And you know what? GOD IS ALL OF THIS AND INFINITELY MORE!!!

God loves me extravagantly. With this in mind I want to extravagantly love Adelaide. I pray that I get better at this. I love sitting on the floor and playing with her and reading to her her favorite book over and over and over again. I gladly sacrifice my body and "perkiness" to give her the very best nutrition (the nutrition that God designed for babies) and the closeness that she so desires. I gladly teach her where her belly button, toes, nose, and mouth are. I gladly let her play in the dirt and explore God's creation.

I love life with her and I am realizing that the way I parent is very different from the way many people, Christians included, parent. But it is how I want to be parented and treated, not like I'm a burden and not labeled with so many of the labels parents put on their kids (bad test taker, trouble maker, a quitter, too sensitive, a bully, etc.)

And me trying to love Adelaide with extravagance, the way God loves me, seems to be working.

When she falls (which she does a lot because she is an adventure girl) she responds in one of two ways, either she looks at me shocked and slowly smiles as if to say "Well that was unexpected and hurt a little, but I am okay now" or she full on bawls and she knows that I will run to her and gobble her up and lay her head on my shoulder and wrap my arms around her saying "I'm so sorry" and reassuring her of my love and presence and nursing her if needed. This is my form of a giant pink, sparkly band aid.  This is how I want God to deal with my hurts so it is how I deal with hers. I make a BIG DEAL about it.

Conventional "wisdom" says that that is wrong but seeing my child I know that it is right. Most of the time when she gets hurt or falls she just brushes it off and keeps playing. My reactions haven't made her more needy, if anything, it has given her the courage to explore and play more bravely because she knows she can always find her way to my arms if she gets in over her head. I am her safe place of comfort and rest.

Karyn Puvis talks about making big deals of hurts and how beneficial it is, especially to kids coming from hurt backgrounds and the sad truth is that we all come from hurt backgrounds because we live in a BROKEN world.

I pray that this lays the foundation for Adelaide and my relationship so that when she gets bigger she can come to me with those bigger hurts, those emotional hurts.

Example of paralleled reactions in kiddos to Adelaide's two current responses to hurts:

1. "Billy said I was ugly but I know mommy and daddy say I am beautiful and I know that God created me fearfully and wonderfully so I'm going to brush it off and move on"
or
2. When she is dealt an earth shaking, world crushing blow she can run to me and sob and tell me all about how Janet doesn't want to play with her because she says she is boring and mean and stupid and that she doesn't want to be her friend. She will run to me because I am her safe place and as we sit there I will reassure her of my love and GOD'S LOVE.
so that as she gets older and the hurts get even deeper I can model for her how to run to God so that as she grows she will always know that she can run to Jesus and that even more than I love her, God loves her. Even more that I was there to hold her, He holds her. Even more than my heart hurts to see her hurt, His heart aches to see her suffer.

I want to encourage her natural, God given gifts and help her figure and wrestle out her purpose.
        "Train up the child according to the tenor of his way, and when he is old he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6

In the same way that God gave me vision for my life to be a mother to the motherless and further more, to make orphans a thing of the past God has been preparing me for these tasks my whole life and are even now still preparing me.

I want to readily share with her the truth of His extravagant love in my life and in others.
       "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" Deuteronomy 11:19
so that she can identify the evidence of His hand, provision and love in her life until she can easily see it.

It is so humbling to me how loving me is engrained in God's being, how loving my daughter is engrained in His being even before the stars were in place.
Jehovah Jireh: The Lord Provides. Jehovah Nissi: The Lord is Victorious. Jehovah Shalom: The Lord is Peace.  God's very being, His very names SHOUT "EXTRAVAGANT LOVE."



My Prayer:

Help me to love my daughter fully!

Further, help me to love Mitchell fully.

Further, help me to love my family fully, neighbors fully, people at church fully, strangers fully.

"But you will receive the power when the Holy Spirit coms on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth" Acts 1:8

I'm a witness of your love
Amen

My inspiration, my little puddle duck!

Adelaide is ONE YEAR OLD!

 What a whirlwind of a year! My precious darling turned ONE on the 27th!

7, 8, 9

My, how she grows and grows!

The Birth of Adelaide Lillian

 This has been a long time coming.

The Birth of Adelaide Lillian: Learning to Love My Scar

If birth and other bodily functions such as vomiting and diarrhea and bodily liquids such as blood and mucus and such gross you out STOP reading and come back to my blog later! If not, here is my birth story!

I have always loved birth! I loved watching medical shows on Discovery Health about all types of birth. I watched births on YouTube. Why, you may ask? Because birth is amazing! It is new life; it is miraculous. It shows the strength of women, it shows the strength of babies. It shows how programmed and designed our bodies truly are!

Watching these shows, I started to see a pattern. A pattern of doubt in women’s bodies, doubt in the strength of a baby, doubt in a biological event that has worked well enough for thousands of years to get babies here safely. I started researching natural births (that is, births without the use of medication) and started learning that women’s bodies are programmed with amazing feedback loops that make birth totally doable and rewarding. I decided a long, long, long time ago that I wanted a natural birth.

All this to lead up to our birth story… almost… at 16 I was told that I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and that I may have trouble getting pregnant. Fast forward… we did have trouble getting pregnant, a lot of it too. I was nearly diagnosed with premature menopause after the first test came back positive. By the grace of God that was not a final diagnoses. We tried for quite a while and tried some meds but decided that that wasn’t for us. We started the adoption process, as many of you remember, and then got the surprise of our life when I peed on a stick and it said that I was pregnant!

I was working with a great team of midwives at the Midwife Center in Pittsburgh. I really trusted their medical expertise and experience and most of their individual bedside manner. They trusted my body and so did I.

Our due date was March 21^st 2012. On March 1^st I experienced my first taste of false labor. I woke up and for about two hours I had consistent contractions. I decided, next one I will wake up Mitchell… next one never came. This happened for the rest of my pregnancy every couple of days. On March 23^rd I had my membranes stripped. That night the false labor stepped it up a bit, this time for 10 hours. I “tested” the labor with walks and changing positions and eating and drinking. We were having dinner with our friends that evening. I didn’t want to tell them that we were in labor because I knew that it would stop if I said anything. Mitch and I worked out a system, when a contraction started I would squeeze his hand under the table to let him know and that if at any point during the dinner they got really intense and I needed to go work on them at home I would squeeze twice. Well, after we ate the delicious food and talked for a while it seemed that my body was ready to get down to work. We went home and I decided to lay down for a little bit. The contractions slowed and then completely stopped… BUMMER!

The next day was my birthday. To celebrate, my body decided to have diarrhea and to vomit all night. Even with this I was excited. I had read that before labor starts that sometimes your body tries to “clear out” your system.

The next day was Sunday. I announced something at church (I think a prayer request for my grandfather who was in the hospital) and our pastor asked me when I was due. I said last Wednesday and the whole congregation exhaled a loud “OOO.” After the service Mitch and I walked the South Side steps. If you are not from Pittsburgh you do not understand what I mean by this so just think of it has 12 floors worth of steps.

Monday came and went as well.

On Tuesday at 2:45 am I woke to a great wetness. I was sure my water had broken but I know that many people think that too and it is just them peeing on themselves. So I “tested” that as well by laying down again and standing back up in a few minutes and sure enough there was another gush (see what I said about those being grossed out by bodily liquids turning back) Within 10 minutes contractions started and were only 3-5 minutes apart. My contractions continued like this through out the whole labor… no break for me… no time to eat…

I got up and started making some boiled eggs… why you may ask? Because I decided that Mitch would need some food while I was laboring. HAHA! This all seems kind of silly now, but if you had told me that then I probably would have bit your head off.

At around 3:30ish I woke up Mitchell. He helped me time some more contractions. They were very mild but close together. We called the midwives and they wanted me to come in to make sure that it was indeed my water that broke. We got to the birth center at about 4 and sure enough there was “ferning” in the liquid on the slide. (This part was pretty cool because we got to look at it under the microscope) So, yes, it was my water that had broken and I did not pee myself. Three cheers for bladder integrity!

We had a few options at this point so we decided to go back home to labor for a while longer. I drew a bath and worked in there for a while and then my contractions, still 3-5 minutes apart, started getting really intense, I mean REALLY intense, much more intense than I expected them to be at this point. I got out of the tub and went to lie in the bed “Peter-Pan” style. After a while they got too intense so we decided to call the midwives again. We all met at the birth center at 8 am. My room was ready for me. I remember thinking as I walked through the doors “When I leave I will be holding my baby in my arms” How wrong I was!

I was checked and was measuring at 5 cm. They drew me a nice Jacuzzi bath and I got in and got to work. Mitchell poured water over my giant belly and one of the nurses rubbed my leg and I said my mantra “Open” though it sounded more like Dori speaking whale “OOOHHHHHHH ppeeeehhhhhhn”

Did I mention that diarrhea and vomiting were back? O not yet, well yes, they were there and persisted throughout the birth.

Again, the contractions were still 3-5 minutes apart. I tried to drink as much as I could and eat some stuff but it just didn’t work so well. I didn’t have time in between contractions. They tested my blood or urine or something when I first got there and found that I was dehydrated so they wanted to put in an IV for a little bit. So when they did that I also asked for the only pain medicine that they administer at the birth center called Nubane. She described it as taking the edge off enough for me to get some rest, which I certainly needed at this point. So at about 10:30am (and 6 cm) they put me on the IV and I rested. I didn’t fall asleep. I would still moan at the peek of a contraction but it allowed me to get the strength that I needed to keep going as naturally as possible. It helped me refocus and after I came off of it I could tell that I was in much better control of my body and my pain.

At 11:30ish we took the IV out and I went back to work. Now I was laboring on the edge of the bed with Mitchell rubbing my back during contractions and a wonderful nurse in front of me.

We worked hard, though here is where it gets weird. Every where I read that at about 7 cm transition starts and it gets SUPER tough. Well, for me from 7-9 cm was a breeze. I even joked with Mitch and my nurse between contractions (which is totally different than all the births I’ve watched and the birth of my friend that I had the joy and privilege of attending in January before Addy was born)

After a little while my midwife checked me and said that I was at 9.5 cm and that whenever I felt like pushing it was totally fine by her.

Soon my body decided to push so I started pushing around 1:30pm. I pushed on the bed on all fours for a while, then pushed on the edge of the bed, then on the ball and no progress was being made. My contractions started to slow significantly, 10-15 minutes apart and were very weak. We tried to restimulate contractions by hooking up to the breast pump to help my body produce oxytocin (the natural form of the synthetic pitocin, that is right everybody, your body actually can and does make this stuff!) and I pushed on the toilet for a while. Still no progress, when I pushed she would come down a little and then go back up with a net work amount done of 0! We realized that the side of her head was presenting. My midwife asked if I wanted to go to the hospital or have her try to manipulate the baby and that it would be very painful.

I decided to have her try and manipulate Adelaide to get her coming straight. I was already in labor, how much pain could she add? Well, it was quite painful. She put her hand inside me (imagine a vet and a cow…) and tried to help Adelaide rearrange her head but since my water had broken there was no cushion left to give her any wiggle room.

We decided to transfer to the hospital and arrived at about 5ish (Note: this is not an emergency situation, she was healthy, I was healthy, birth is generally a very slow process and you can see issues coming from a long way away, most of the time. We had been talking hospital for an hour and half or so by the time we actually started to transfer)

Walking out of the birth center still pregnant and knowing that my baby wasn’t going to be born were I had hoped was crushing.

The whole way there I kept visualizing myself birthing in the car (which really, I was totally fine with, I knew she was strong, I knew I was strong, I trusted that Mitch knew what to do) I was on all fours in the back of the car pushing with every minor urge that I got as we drove through rush hour downtown Pittsburgh traffic. We probably would have made it faster walking.

There they gave me a therapeutic epidural (meaning that it wasn’t for pain relief but rather to make my body rest and relax hoping that some relaxation would help Adelaide rearrange and get ready to be born) Can I just say YUCK? The feeling of an epidural is awful. I was totally out of control of my body, I couldn’t move my legs and if I laid too flat the numbness would creep upwards and whatever side I laid on was numb and heavy. So bizarre! I would gladly labor through two labors to not feel the YUCK of one epidural!  At about 7:45 pm I was ready to get the show back on the road. My body was still not contracting strong enough. So they gave me pitocin.

It kicked in strong enough to get good contractions by about 8. I pushed with another one of the midwives from the midwife center. This was so strange. She would have to tell me when to push because I couldn’t feel it. Again, no progress. She also tried to manipulate Adelaide and again it didn’t work. We pushed until nearly 9 pm when it was decided that the best thing to do was a c-section. Adelaide was still completely healthy; she was measuring really strong. My body was getting a little bit if-y though. My blood pressure was dropping and raising and such so we went the prudent route, at this point in time, and had an unplanned c-section (Note: this is VERY different form an EMERGENCY c-section, neither of our lives were in danger at this moment, we were not on the brink of death, walking towards a light or anything of the like)

The OB who would be doing the surgery came in and talked with me and had me sign some papers, as did the anesthesiologist. (no, I did not spell that without spell check) They prepped me (another big YUCK here, if you are having a planned c-section go get yourself waxed. You DON’T want a stranger shaving you and I am sure the nurse would appreciate not having to shave you as well…) and then wheeled me back.

The operating room was ugly and the nurses and doctors were way too casual for my taste (talking about weekend plans) especially for people that were about to cut me open and deliver MY MIRACLE! They strapped me down and then brought in Mitchell and my midwife to be with me.

They made the incision and I started to feel nauseas again. I could hear the OB saying that she was really stuck in there and I could feel her mashing on me to help dislodge Adelaide. I told the nurse who had told me that she was MY nurse that I was feeling nauseas and she placed a bag with a NARROW opening by my face and told me that “you’ll feel better once they put your uterus back in” cue vomiting. But of course with my arms strapped down and the bag being so narrow I vomited all over my face and it dripped back into my hair, twice.

We found out that Adelaide was sunny-side up and with her head bent over to one shoulder so her left temple was presenting rather than the crown of her head. The chances of her being born healthy, vaginally were slim once her temple was wedged in the birth canal.

At 11:08 pm on March 27^th my daughter was born! Once they pulled her out I could hear her cry. Man, did she sound strong! They took her over to the side and I could see her long toes and her wonderfully pink skin. I told Mitch to go over and meet his daughter and to take pictures with the camera to bring back and show me.

My husband holding my daughter and me wishing I could

They mashed on me some more and stapled me back together (I looked like a creepy monster of Dr. Frankenstein down there) They had Mitchell leave the room and then they transferred my numb body to another bed, propped me up a bit and placed my amazing daughter, the one I have been praying for since I was 16, the one who occupied my dreams, the one who I felt wiggle and move in my belly as if it was not a miracle. I wanted some pomp and circumstance for this MIRACLE in my arms. I don’t care where you ate dinner tonight! Could those nurses not have waited until they were out of ear shot to speak of such mundane things in such a super natural moment as this?

I got the welcome for Adeladie that I wanted when I got back to my room and my dad was standing there with tears in his eyes.

The stay at the hospital certainly had its ups and downs. Downs: a nurse that tried to tell me to give my 4 HOUR OLD daughter formula!, my pain meds being about an hour late, catheter, student-nurses who had obviously NEVER held a baby before trying to tell me how to care for a child. Ups: fabulous lactation consultant that helped quite a bit because when I was on the breast pump at the birth center my nipple was damaged because I wasn’t really paying attention to a proper fit, flowers from my mom, aunt, and grandma.

Healing from a c-section SUCKS. You aren’t allowed to carry your own baby from place to place because the meds make you dizzy. Your middle hurts and you are crazy swollen. This was the only time that I had any swelling at all. I couldn’t put my wedding ring on and I couldn’t put on shoes.

I trying to learn to love my scar. And I am getting better at it. This is what helped bring my daughter into my arms. This is my scar.

My scar a couple of weeks after the surgery

Reflections:

-At one point in time my midwife asked if I wanted the fore bag of waters broken (meaning that there was a small pocket of liquid still left) I said yes but maybe, just maybe it would have added enough wiggle room (though it is doubtful and “what-ifs” aren’t very helpful)

-I now see, after many months, that my body slowing down its contractions wasn’t an example of my body failing, but rather it shows how in tune my body was with my baby. My body was stepping down the intensity to help Adelaide maintain healthy vitals! She was never “at-risk” through out our whole birthing experience because my body knew when to push and when to let her rest!

-Nurses play such a HUGE role in the feel of a room.

-If I had to do it all again I would still start off laboring naturally with my midwives. They prudently observed, gave advice for positions to try, and when needed, provided interventions. They wisely advised me during my birth and helped Adeladie and I both end up healthy.

-And when/if the next belly baby comes (not “if” we want more children because we definitely do, but “if” we are able to get pregnant again) I am absolutely going to VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) I’ve already found a midwife and birth center only five minutes from our new home that works with VBAC mommas!

-I really wish that I had pictures of me laboring as a reminder of how CRAZY STRONG I AM!

Mitchell and Adelaide by her name at the birth center, 2 weeks old!

We've been busy!

First came packing for our move!

November 12th was closing day for our new home!

Then came Thanksgiving

I was there too!

Isn't my family pretty?

Adelaide spent a good portion of Thanksgiving upside down!

We went to Dickens of a Christmas on the McKinney Square (just a walk away from our new home)

Adelaide loves our new home and Mommy's thread collection

Mitch and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary on the 15th of December!

Mitch surprised me by having the top of our wedding cake remade!!!!

Our friends, the Hawks, came down from Pittsburgh!

We went hiking at Turner Falls

Adelaide was so cute during our hike!

We went to the Dallas World Aquarium!

And to the Fort Worth Stockyards where we saw horses and longhorns

Adelaide was arrested for stealing cattle....

Then we went to TCU for Brandi to talk with some professors in similar research areas!

Christmas was not super fun because Adelaide and Mitch were super sick! Adelaide tried to be a trooper though...

 Adelaide is over 9 months old and getting VERY close to walking! She has now spent more time outside than inside. She goes back and forth (in my mind) from looking like a big girl and looking like my baby girl :)