Thursday, May 19, 2011

Job:

I have been feeling just empty and lonely lately. I started re-reading the book of Job because I feel like Job. It seems in my life that many things are not what I would want for them to be. Rather than complain and all that... I'd rather... well...

Job has three "friends" that are trying to tell him different things... that he did something to deserve what was happening and even his wife told him to curse God. I feel like all those derogatory voices are coming from within my head. I am doing my best to block out all the negativity I have been telling myself. (All these fertility meds are so "hormone-y" and I am sure that does NOT help my head state right now)

I wanted to share a part of Job that has been really speaking to me these last couple of days.

8 “But if I go to the east, he is not there;
if I go to the west, I do not find him.
9 When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.
10 But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
11 My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.
12 I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread.

13 “But he stands alone, and who can oppose him?
He does whatever he pleases.
14 He carries out his decree against me,
and many such plans he still has in store.
15 That is why I am terrified before him;
when I think of all this, I fear him.
16 God has made my heart faint;
the Almighty has terrified me.
17 Yet I am not silenced by the darkness,
by the thick darkness that covers my face.

I am certain that on the other side of this I will have more strength than I have now, which is more than I had at the start of this and that is more than I had before that. I know that God still has big plans for my life like Job says in verse 14. I trust that.

I love the image in my mind of me being tested and purified to create something brilliant and shining. I wanted to know how to refine gold so I looked up on eHow. To summarize:

1. Put gold in container then add nitric acid and let it sit for 30 minutes.

2. Add hydrochloric acid and muriatic acid. The mix will turn brown and will become very hot.

3. After an hour filter out any particles that could contaminate the gold. The mixture will be a clear emerald green if not do it again.

4. Add urea to balance the ph. Slowly add boiling water. It will foam so don't add it too quickly or else you will lose gold in the overflow. Once the foaming is done you are done. The ph has now gone from .1 to 1. The nitric acid is killed but the hydrochloric acid is not.

5. Add storm precipitate to the mixture with boiling water. Slowly add this to the acid. The mixture will become muddy. Allow 30 minutes for the gold to form. Check the mixture to ensure that no gold will be thrown away.

6. Pour out the acid through a filter. In the bottom you will have something that looks like mud. This is the gold. Add water. Rinse three or four times with water. Pour aqua ammonia on the gold. White vapors will appear. Rinse with water then let dry. There is your gold.

It all seems very painful. Though I love how careful the process is... that it is done delicately to protect and retain the value of the gold. It can be especially painful in the moment. It can feel like acid and boiling water inside of me. But I trust that God knows what He is doing. I trust that the pain will bring great joy one day. In the end of Job it says that he was blessed more in the last part of his life than in the first. He has beautiful children and he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation! That is so amazing.

Trust is easy when the road is flat and straight but as I walk into the forest and brambles crawl across the path and the sun is almost invisible because of the obscuring leaves and vines this is when trust can be difficult. It is hard to believe that God who I know has started a good work in me will continue it to completion (Philippians 1:6) Even though the sounds of critters in the forest is terrifying, I know that my redeemer lives and that His hand is guiding me.

Please continue to pray for Mitchell and me as we continue trusting God.

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