Even more changes...

We just found out that the agency we are working with will most likely not be able to place us with an infant and truth be told we don't have money for an infant adoption and our agency just feels like the right place to be.

We are now pursuing an adoption for a child under 3. I am sad that we won't have the time period of infancy but I am getting excited about being the mother of a toddler.

I just found this fun site that has 101 things to do with a toddler. I am excited about taking our child on walks and making little boards for practicing buttons and snaps and zippers. I am excited about taking our child to the farmers' market to look at different vegetables.

Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, it will be hard. Our child will come to us already having experienced hurt, disappointment, neglect, and possibly even abuse. But I know that my Redeemer, my Savior, can transform anything. God can make beautiful things out of the dust.

Gungor "Beautiful Things"

Some of the lyrics are:

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

I love the line "Could a garden come up from this ground at all". I feel like I am a garden... right now an infertile garden, that without God's grace cannot produce fruit. Yet God can make my barren soil a family. He can bring together people from different places and knit it together into a family. Some day our family will have so much joy, it will seem like a garden bursting into blooms!

God is amazing and I trust him through all of these changes and uncertainty.

Adoption

^{Romans 8}

¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

^{Ephesians 1}

⁴ For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵ he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will

So, after one terrible round of clomiphene Mitchell and I have decided to stop pursuing fertility treatments. We have now started the long paperwork intensive path to adoption.

There is a lot going through my mind as we embark on this path. Yet I have hope.

I trust that someday our house will be full of little foot steps. The child will not be from my belly but rather a child that I have prayed for and will one day meet, born from a different mother.

Please join us in praying for our future child. Please join us in praying for the birth mother wherever she is. It is hard not knowing anything. I don't know if my child is already born or even if the mother knows that she is pregnant yet. Please pray for peace within me and please pray that the process goes quickly.

New Paths

Through much prayer and searching Mitch and I have decided to pursue a new course. Please keep us in your prayers. I will share more info with everyone soon!

Thanks everyone.