The Fount of Blessings

Our Diaper Stash is Complete!

2012-02-11T09:53:00.011-06:00

As of a few days ago all of our diapers are here and as of this morning, all the diapers are prepped and ready. (Prepped means that they are pre-washed and that they are ready to absorb)

I thought that I would post what my stash consists of, since many people aren't familiar with modern cloth diapering.

During the newborn phase we will use a Kissaluv or a Bummis prefold underneath a Thirsties Duo Wrap size 1 or one of the Lil Joeys All in Ones (meaning that everything is already together, you just put it on like a disposable) We lucked out and scored 8 used Kissluvs on ebay for $66! The other four were gifts. The 6 prefolds cost $20 in total. 3 of the Thirsties covers were gifts and one we bought during Small Business Saturday so Amex reimbursed us. The Lil Joeys were bought used and cost $9 a piece. Kissaluvs and Thirsties are made in the US and Bummis are made responsibly in Pakistan. These diaper will fit her for nearly 4 months (except the Lil Joeys that will fit for about 2 months.)

Total cost for newborn diapers-$104

Starting at around 8-10lbs the FuzziBunz and gDiapers will start to fit her. The FuzziBunz are pocket diapers, meaning that there is an insert that fits into a pocket in the back. These are super easy to use. They are one size and should fit her all the way through potty training. They are about $19 a piece. Nearly all of ours were gifts or bought with gifted money. I think that I bought 2 or 3 of them so that cost about $57. The gDiapers are a neat hybrid. You can either use a cloth insert or a disposable insert. We have some of both. Both of these diapers look super trim on baby and both go on like a disposable. The gDiapers were gifted to us as well.

Total spent on diapers up to potty training-$57

For her wipes we decided to also use washable wipes. If we are already washing diapers might as well wash the wipes too, right? I bought a twin size flannel sheet at the second hand shop and washed it on hot then I cut it into 8x8 squares. The sheet produced 6 dozen wipes.

Total cost for wipes- $1.95

Another necessity for cloth diapering is a diaper sprayer. These allow you to clean off the stinky stuff and help prevent staining. Wet bags/pail liners are also super helpful. All the Planet Wise products are made in the US. We used gift cards and bought one large wet/dry bag, one pail liner, and one small wet bag for our diaper bag. We will be purchasing one more pail liner at $16.50 and the diaper sprayer at $44.99.

Total cost for accesories-$61.49

I am sure that through her time in diapers I will want to add some here or there to add more of a certain color or style but for now our total out of pocket diapering costs is $224.44. Compare that to the average cost of diapering a baby through potty training at nearly $2,000. I think we made a great choice. :) I also think that it is important to note that cloth can be reused for subsequent children and they retain up to 70% of their value on resale sites!

Theo sleeps in strange places, often!

2012-02-10T15:15:00.005-06:00

Because of how cute my dog is and because of how often he sleep in strange places I thought that I would do a post of some of the pics we have snapped of him during his three years on earth sleeping in strange places.

Theo sleeps in the car in between San Antonio and Fort Worth with his head stuck behind his bed.

Theo sleeps completely wrapped up, except for a paw that he liberated himself.

Here he thinks he is a person.

Now this picture may not look like Theo but it actually is. He is that little bump.

Here's what was sticking out on the other side. :)

Mitch and Theo both fell asleep on the floor at my dad's house a year or so ago. Please note that Theo's body is indeed under the bed.

Theo likes to sprawl out with his long stilt legs after a run.

This is Theo as a puppy sleeping with Mitchell. (I guess this post should be titled "Mitch and Theo Sleeping Strangely)

Theo fell asleep in the car and decided that the armrest was a good pillow.

But when there are no arm rests around you may as well use a real pillow!

And here is the pic that I posted earlier today of Theo sleeping under a curtain.

Theo sleeps in strange places :)

2012-02-10T11:14:00.001-06:00

I am currently 34 weeks pregnant! I haven't taken pics in awhile so here is my 32 week pic.

To finish up this post here is a pic of Theo sleeping in a strange place!

Texas and pregnancy updates!

2012-01-25T09:23:00.004-06:00

A lot has happened since I gave a real update so this post may be a little long. I also haven't taken any of the side view photos since the last one at 25 weeks and I am now 32 weeks... I have to do that tonight :)

At 26 weeks, Mitchell and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary! I have the very best husband in the entire world. I can hardly believe that we have been married for 4 years. Our marriage hasn't always been easy, especially the year that we struggled with infertility, but all of the struggles and hard times that we have been through together has only made us stronger.

At 27 weeks, we were in Arkansas celebrating Christmas with Mitchell's family! We had a lot of fun sitting and visiting with his grandparents.

At 28 weeks we were in Fort Worth! This is my tummy waiting outside of Spring Creek BBQ! YUMMY.

Here is Mitchell waiting next to me. I don't have any pictures of our time during the 29th week when we were in San Antonio.

At the end of the 29th week we went to the Fort Worth Stockyards to do a maternity shoot with my Aunt. I will post those pics at a later date :) They are so cute!

This quote is in the Fort Worth Stockyards and it always makes me giggle! Texans rock! We drove back to Pittsburgh on the 9th and we have been quite busy since then.

Mitchell accepted a job with Raytheon in Dallas so we will be moving back home after his graduation on May 20th (also my mom's b-day) I am so excited to move back home but I will miss all of my Pittsburgh friends.

To be able to get ready for our move we have been busy getting the house ready to put it on the market. Because of this I have been very busy working on the house and "finishing" the house, finally. :)

Here is the master closet, all color coded for its photoshoot.

I have also been busy working in the nursery!

Here is the basement guest suite! Anyone who comes up to see baby Adelaide can stay here!

Theo got a bone and really loved it so I thought I would throw in a pic of my little guy! :)

Texas!

2011-12-24T10:50:00.003-06:00

We have been traveling!

We spent 4 days in Little Rock, AR with Mitchell's family and now we are in North Texas with mine and will heading to San Antonio in less than a week to see the rest of our family.

I am loving being able to share my pregnancy with my family!

Grace was able to feel Adelaide hiccup on Wednesday (I was excited to share that with her because she didn't start hiccuping until this Sunday)

I had my first Braxton Hicks contraction on Tuesday while we were walking around the Old Mill in Little Rock.

I will post pictures soon. Baby is just growing and growing.

I am now almost 28 weeks and tomorrow I will be entering my THIRD trimester! Adelaide will be here so soon!

25 weeks! God's timing is perfect!

2011-12-08T11:16:00.005-06:00

I've just been busy growing a baby! I had the glucose tolerance test yesterday and felt yucky the rest of the day. I didn't go to Bible study because of how yucky I felt and I was pretty bummed about that. We were supposed to read Luke 1-10 this week. I was reading it and in the first chapter I was absolutely floored! I am currently in my sixth month and all the time I am reminded that God's timing is perfect. Check out these verses that I came across

"And this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren. For with God nothing shall be impossible" Luke 1:36b-37

I got goose bumps reading that. God is so good, not only did He bless with this amazing gift but He reminds me of His love continually! After struggling for 15 months to get pregnant with no meds working and having PCOS confirmed for a third time and being tested for premature menopause and and having xray solution shot up inside of me and then prayerfully deciding to stop trying to get pregnant and start trying to build our family another way, it feels so unreal to actually be experiencing pregnancy.

Tonight I am going to the Women's Bible Study Christmas Party and this is the gift that I am bringing for the exchange. The nail polish is Essie "Rasberry" and I am totally in love with the shade and may go get myself some for the summer! Getting together "beauty supplies" made me think of another verse.

" Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised"

Proverbs 31:30

It can be so hard to remember that. Truthfully, I don't know if I have ever felt prettier than now, being pregnant. I think that waiting on the Lord and receiving His blessing just makes me feel beautiful from the inside out... okay now I am just talking.... How about some more pictures?

I have been working on some more of Adelaide's things.

Her closet is slowly coming together. You can see one of her vintage dresses hanging in the closet! (Almost all of the stains came out of the dresses) You can also see her elephant mobile that I need to get the attacher-thing to attach it to her crib.
I finished her bed skirt and put her "library" bucket and toy bucket under the crib.
This is the next space that needs TLC. Mitch has offered to sand and paint the dresser and then I need to turn it into a diaper changing station. I also need to clear out some other stuff and I think that I am going to add little rosette flowers to the lampshade to cute it up a bit! On the ground, to the left of the dresser, is a quilt that belonged to my great grandmother that I need to sew some new patches onto. I am hoping to use it on Adelaide's big girl bed, when that time comes.
I have cleared out a lot of junk around the glider. We still need to move a side table in there and put a lamp on it.
It is coming along, slowly but surely. I still need to put stuff up on the wall.

What do you think?

Things are coming together for Adelaide Lillian

2011-12-02T14:29:00.007-06:00

I thought all of you might like to see what I have been busy doing up here in the Burgh!

I made this cute "A" for her diaper bag. It is made from tapestry samples that Karen gave me!

Here is the close up. I am going to put a grommet through the top.

Here are her swaddlers and a whole bunch of burp cloths that I have made. My favorites are the ones with the African wax fabric.

These are her little bitty 0-3 month clothes with the moccasins that Mitchell bought her. The knitted things at the top of the drawer were my bonnet and booties.

Here are her bigger clothes, extra sheets, and a cuddly blanket for her.

I found this little dress at Nordstrom on great sale! I have a FuzziBunz diaper that perfectly matches this dress. The color is called "crushed berry"

This is the small FuzziBunz in Cotton Candy next to the one size adjusted to the smallest in Crushed Berry. Based on how small this adjusted we decided to register for the FuzziBunz one sizes!

This is my diaper stash so far. I have two Lil' Joeys by Rumparooz (the two in green) They are for newborns and fold down around the umbilical cord. The Lil' Joeys are all in ones, meaning that it is super simple to use, no special folding, no inserts. There are three FuzziBunz (two small and one one size) I have a fourth FuzziBunz that is an XS in light green, it is currently at my friends' house adorning the little bum of Selah Joelle Dutra. The striped one is a Thirstie Duo Wrap in size 1. It will go over a prefold or a kissaluv for the newborn period!

Here they all are in their drawer! Cloth diapers are so cute!

This is my glider (Thanks Aunt Lisa) with my ottoman. Draped over the arms is Adelaide's collection of vintage dresses that I need to clean.

Here is her little library!

This is how the room is looking! I love the patchwork feel of it all.

Another view. The blankets over the side are from Uganda.

Here is a close up of the contents of her crib. I made the doll for her way back during TAMS. She is all hand sewn and Mitchell helped do some of the stitches on the heart. The little bear was brought back for Adelaide from Scotland by soon-to-be-Aunt Caroline! The little dog was my toy "Ruff Ruff".

Still on my to-do list:

Get stuff that doesn't belong in the nursery out of there

Clean the vintage gowns

Finish the dust ruffle

Make her a quilt (I already have the fabric and it is fabulous)

Grommet her "A"

Sew some pillowcase dresses

Put up some wall art, including a fabulous giraffe print from Uganda

Hang her mobile, African elephants!

I hope all of you like it!

Weeks 23 & 24

2011-11-29T13:14:00.004-06:00

Slowly but surely we are getting closer to March! She has been so wiggly lately.

On Friday we had to get the car worked on and spent 4 hours in the waiting room... that was fun.

I have put up our Christmas decorations. My favorite part of the decor has to be ornaments and all of the nativity scenes. Christmas is probably my favorite time of the year. I love all the songs and hot cocoa and I love that it means family!

Please continue to pray as Adelaide Lillian continues to grow. This week she is growing her real hair! That is so crazy to me.

Also, I think I have finally perfected our baby registry.

Update and such not!

2011-11-15T11:03:00.004-06:00

Everything is going great. Adelaide Lillian has been kicking and wiggling a lot. She swiveled around to the back in the last couple of weeks so I think that my tummy looks a little bit smaller than it did when her bum was right up front.

It has now snowed twice here... I have been listening to Christmas music and am getting the house ready to be decorated. We have also been planning out our Christmas vacation plans. I can hardly wait to see all my family!

I feel so blessed to be on this journey. Adelaide is most active in the morning while I am still lying in bed. This morning she was very funny. If I would poke her on my left side she would kick back. She even kicked Mitchell after he poked her.

Mitchell went to the AISES national conference. I didn't go this year but I will go again next year! While there he bought some very sweet hand made, beaded moccasins for Adelaide. They are amazing and I can hardly wait to put them on her.

Please continue to pray for us. Adelaide should be here in about 4 months. Please pray as we continue to plan and get everything in order.

20 weeks

2011-11-04T09:33:00.002-05:00

You can see from the top pic that my belly button is now out!!!

I am really enjoying this pregnancy. My energy is really high now and I am getting a lot done.

Mitchell has been really busy this semester so I don't get to see him as often as I would like. Please pray for us as this semester winds down.

Please pray that Adelaide continues to grow strong. My momma-worry-mind keeps me up a lot at night and I would really like some sleep :)

Weeks 18 & 19

2011-10-26T11:18:00.002-05:00

Adelaide has been on the move. Since Friday I have felt her move everyday. It is so exciting to me. During our ultrasound we could see her move and her beautiful face and beautiful feet and sweet hands and strong heart. I am so in love with the child growing within me.

By far, my favorite thing about the ultrasound was watching Mitchell watch his daughter on the screen. He has said from day one that this bump was a girl and he was right. His face was so bright and his smile so big with every little move that she made. At one point in time her little mouth moved and he laughed out loud. A love between a daddy and a daughter is so important; I love that Daddy and Addy are starting out on a great foot!

Please pray for Mitchell and me as we prepare to parent our daughter!

Gender Reveal Party!!!

2011-10-25T11:53:00.007-05:00

This was the set up for the shin dig! Our guests either could wear a mustache if they thought our bump was a boy or a bow if they thought it was a girl. We also had tasty cupcakes.

Most people chose bows except for two people that had just come into the country and one or two others. I also wore a mustache. Mitch and I each wore our morning guesses!
I used my dad's old Charlie Brown book for the boy's side.
The cupcakes were very tasty! We had chocolate and vanilla. YUMMY!

The dogs came too! Theo was his usual hospitable self, while Wilson was a little bit excited to meet so many new people!

I had a lot of fun setting up for the party.
One of my cravings has been sushi, but I can't eat sushi sooooo I made some "sushi" from rice crispy treats, swedish fish, and fruit roll ups.
Well!!! I guess you are all dying to know what the ultra sound told us! From day one Mitchell has told me that he thinks it is a girl. We have always thought it would be so neat to have a little girl first. Lo and behold! It is a GIRL!!!

We are naming her Adelaide. This is our baby girl dancing around inside!

I wanted to make pink icing to put inside the cupcakes so I added some jam to regular icing and mixed it together! It looked really pink in the kitchen but in the overhead lighting during the party it looked more white than pink... o well! :)
After I filled the cupcakes with the "pink" icing I sealed them shut with a little icing then went back through and decorated them.

Wilson really liked the camera!

And now, since we know it is a girl, I have started crafting stuff for my daughter. Yesterday I mod-podged scrapbook paper into plastic drawers to make them super cute!

We are so smitten and feel so blessed. We are so excited to start planning for little Adelaide and dreaming about the future!

Horton Hears a Who

2011-10-13T15:49:00.005-05:00

Well... I guess it should be titled "Mommy Feels a Baby."

On Tuesday morning I felt the tiniest little "poke" from within me. It didn't feel like a flutter or a jab or anything else that I have ever heard described. It really felt like someone was ever so gently poking me from the inside (about an inch below my belly button) with the softest of touches.

The more I thought about that little poke the more I though about "Horton Hears a Who." Towards the end, to save themselves from a bad kangaroo, the Whos have to make themselves known from their little speck. They chant "We are here. We are here. We are here." I could just imagine my strong, little baby chanting "I am here. I am here. I am here."

Of course, that brought on a whole slew of "Horton" quotes: "A person is a person no matter how small" and "An elephant is faithful 100%" (and yes, sadly, in this analogy I am the elephant)

I feel so blessed to be chosen to faithfully protect my little, "small person." I now, kind of, visualize my pregnancy as me as Horton, my baby as that sweet little yellow speck on the clover, and the journey to delivery as Horton's journey to find that speck a safe landing space! I just can hardly wait to see my little Who's face!

Maybe it is all kind of silly but, who doesn't love a good Seuss reference?

Week 17

2011-10-10T08:10:00.003-05:00

I feel so energetic. This weekend Mitch and I went for a long hike through Schenely Park and took Theo. Theo absolutely loves the park because of all the wonderful things there are to smell. It is so fun to watch him stick his little nose into any crevice he can find in hopes of discovering a chipmunk or a squirrel. :)

I feel so incredibly blessed to be on this journey of bringing a child into the world. The thought that God has trusted me with a little life is so humbling.

Mitchell and I have been wrestling through all kinds of ideas about how we will parent. With truly healthy families becoming more and more rare we feel that it is our responsibility to raise our children in a loving environment in which they can thrive. One day our child will be grown and one day our child will have children of his or her own. I pray that they can look back on the love that was poured out on them and choose to pour it out onto their children just like Mitchell and I have chosen based on the love that was given to us by our families.

I love the book of 1 Thessalonians. The very first time I read the book I was probably 16. I was a new in my faith but God used those words to speak to me. Even though I was young I knew that those words were what I wanted to teach my children. The book is full of encouragement to love one another and to praise the Lord. It encourages faith to grow and it tells those to whom the letter is addressed that "Indeed, you are our glory and our joy" (2:20) (Bonus: It is only 5 chapters so you can read it in no time flat!)

If my children know to love God, to love others and that they are precious to me I think I will have done a pretty good job as a parent.

Pictures and Updates

2011-10-05T10:46:00.009-05:00

Everything has been going well. My energy is coming back and my house is (slowly) getting back into order after the tiresome first trimester. We scheduled our anatomy ultrasound for October 21st. Only two and a half more weeks until we know if this bump is a he or a she!

If you are interested, there is a link to our baby registry (a work in progress) at the top of my page. Anything gender specific is just stuff that I like and wanted to remember where it was. Babies really don't need much so you will notice that we pretty much only registered for cloth diapers.

I am now wearing all of my lovely maternity clothes from my Mimi, Granny Kay, Meemaw and Mom. (I have a lot of ladies in my life that love me... these are just a few of them) The rubber band trick no longer works for my overstuffed jeans :)

And for your viewing pleasure.... because I am so incredibly good looking when morning sick and not wearing any makeup. Bahahhaha

Our first pregnancy craving run together. The results: Cookie dough ice cream, oreos, and sour gummy worms, which I ate all together.

My Granny Kay took me to look at baby things and we parked in the expectant mother's spot!

Theo wanted to take picture with the bump too. (Theo has since had a haircut and looks less scraggily) I think my belly button is going to pop out within a month or so. It is dangerously close!

Update and a picture!

2011-09-15T10:21:00.002-05:00

13 1/2 weeks!

I am sorry that I haven't been updating as often as people have been requesting. From about week 9 on I have been very, very tired and resting a lot. I am now in my second trimester (hooray) and it all still feels like a dream.

We were able to hear the heart beat at our 9 1/2 week appointment and then again today at our 13 1/2 week appointment. The heart beat sounded so much stronger this time! Last time little baby Martin had a "whooshy" sounding heart but today it sounded like a real heart. The midwife said that each time it will sound stronger and stronger! Yay for strong babies!

My nausea is nearly all gone. I still have some strong aversions but I am hoping that those will subside with time!

We have been so busy just being excited. At the end of October we will be finding out if baby Martin is a boy or a girl. I really have no idea! Mitchell, on the other hand, is certain it is a girl.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

P.S. I just got my first "baby card" in the mail from Uncle Allan, Aunt Debbie, Nick, and Haley! It is super cute and has a baby stroller on the front! :)

Announcement!

2011-08-26T11:34:00.003-05:00

Okay! So I have been gone from my blog for a while but I have a good reason, I promise!

The day after Grace left Mitch and I got a POSITIVE pregnancy test! That is right, after all of our praying and trusting God to make us a family and after believing that God would make our family through adoption only we are blessed with a belly baby!

I will be 11 weeks on Sunday! Last Wednesday we heard the heart beat for the first time. It was absolutely amazing.

I really believed that this was an experience I would never get to experience. I love that all my pants don't fit and that the smells in the kitchen send me running to the bathroom. I love that all I have energy to do all day is lay around and day dream about our baby (and waste copious amounts of time on hulu and facebook).

Back at the beginning of the month we got an ultrasound done that showed our little "seahorse's" heart beat racing fast at 153 bpm. At that ultrasound they gave us a due date of March 21 right between Mitch's b-day on the 19th and mine on the 24th.

God's timing is something that I will certainly never understand but I trust that it is good, even when painful, especially through this experience.

Having been through infertility and knowing how many times I would open up facebook and start crying because of people announcing pregnancies or posting ultrasound pics I am going to keep any pregnancy updates on my blog. Infertility is very painful and often dealt with all alone so I don't want to add to anyone's pain who is out there in facebook land. Thanks for understanding.

Please pray for Mitch and me as we transition into parents. We are about to start righting a family creed and I am sure we will have some deep and hard conversations as we try to plan (as well as one can) for the road before us. Pray that our little one continues to grow strong and healthy! Pray for the life that our little one will lead and pray that it brings glory to God.

Fun with Grace

2011-07-09T16:23:00.004-05:00

Grace is here for a visit! She is my cousin and she is awesome. After we picked her up from the airport we headed home to eat some lunch. We quickly got our trip underway with a trip to the Carnegie Science Center.

Grace went for a spin with her new friend Olivia.

Then we toured a submarine. (If you can't tell that is Grace through the window)

She thought the sub was really cool, which it was.

I liked it too!

The first night we made tacos with homemade tortillas and got a little messy!

Grace really likes Theo and the dog that I "puppy nanny" for, Wilson.
She REALLY LOVES Wilson and he is pretty fond of her too!
We made chocolate Chip cookies too!

We just got back from a good hike at Schenely park. We came back muddy and exhausted. This is only half way through the hike and you can tell that Theo is having a fun time.

We also caught lightening bugs last night. Grace caught about 20. She said she would give me some pointers because I only caught a couple!

Check back periodically to see all the fun we are having.

On the agenda tomorrow: church, more hiking, and then the Justin Bieber movie in the park!

I STILL BELIEVE!

2011-07-05T11:26:00.002-05:00

A realization hit me today. It was one of those crazy ones that I didn't know that I didn't feel this way until I did feel this way. Do you follow?

I was sitting at my computer playing minesweeper and listening to Pandora (yes I make great use of my time indeed). I realized, right here, doing nothing, pursuing nothing, just sitting, that God is still with me.

I didn't even know that I was doubting that. I didn't know that I wasn't certain where He was.

I was wondering when this lie started creeping in on me, the lie that God wasn't there or that he didn't care. I've been trying to get pregnant for over a year now. I one by one watched over 13 friends and family members get pregnant around me. I saw another friend who has been trying to get pregnant for 4 years miscarry. I saw several people around me get pregnant at the exact same times that I (or rather my body) failed to. I watched people around me post sonogram and ultrasound pictures. I saw their bellies slowly grow with life and hope while mine sat empty with a huge, neon lit vacancy sign, shining as a shameful beacon from within me.

Sometime during all of this, this lie, disguised as bitterness and protection from the hurt, started creeping up. It tried to swallow me whole. It made me skip church on Mothers' Day and avoid anything to do with Mothers' Day. It makes me avoid facebook for fear of another "announcement". This lie has kept from interacting with anyone pregnant or with young babies.

This lie, that God doesn't care, or that He doesn't have a plan tried to drown me.

But here is the truth. My God is BIG, He is POWERFUL, He is EVERYTHING I need, He has a plan for ME, He has a plan to make me a MOMMY. My God can see the next chapter. He sees our Christmas cards with smiling children and elated parents. He sees our car on family road trips with empty sandwich bags and crushed gold fish. He sees all of this and so, so, so much more. I am in His hands.

The song "Salvation is Here" by Hillsong United says:

"Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
It's gonna be alright...

Salvation is here,
Salvation is here and it lives in me"

I know that my God saved the day. And I know that His word never fails and His word says in Psalm 113 that "He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord." I know that God has made a way for me. I have no reason to doubt this. He has always made a way for me, why would he fail me know? He can't fail! Therefore, Cassidy, it is going to be alright.

God is with me! I still believe that God is with me!

I know that God is with you to! Find peace in the fact that even though today there may be pain one day there will be joy. And for those of you that find yourself with peace and joy in abundance encourage those around you. Lift them up and share your love for them.

Even more changes...

2011-06-27T12:16:00.003-05:00

We just found out that the agency we are working with will most likely not be able to place us with an infant and truth be told we don't have money for an infant adoption and our agency just feels like the right place to be.

We are now pursuing an adoption for a child under 3. I am sad that we won't have the time period of infancy but I am getting excited about being the mother of a toddler.

I just found this fun site that has 101 things to do with a toddler. I am excited about taking our child on walks and making little boards for practicing buttons and snaps and zippers. I am excited about taking our child to the farmers' market to look at different vegetables.

Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, it will be hard. Our child will come to us already having experienced hurt, disappointment, neglect, and possibly even abuse. But I know that my Redeemer, my Savior, can transform anything. God can make beautiful things out of the dust.

Gungor "Beautiful Things"

Some of the lyrics are:

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

I love the line "Could a garden come up from this ground at all". I feel like I am a garden... right now an infertile garden, that without God's grace cannot produce fruit. Yet God can make my barren soil a family. He can bring together people from different places and knit it together into a family. Some day our family will have so much joy, it will seem like a garden bursting into blooms!

God is amazing and I trust him through all of these changes and uncertainty.

Adoption

2011-06-17T11:11:00.003-05:00

^{Romans 8}

¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

^{Ephesians 1}

⁴ For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵ he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will

So, after one terrible round of clomiphene Mitchell and I have decided to stop pursuing fertility treatments. We have now started the long paperwork intensive path to adoption.

There is a lot going through my mind as we embark on this path. Yet I have hope.

I trust that someday our house will be full of little foot steps. The child will not be from my belly but rather a child that I have prayed for and will one day meet, born from a different mother.

Please join us in praying for our future child. Please join us in praying for the birth mother wherever she is. It is hard not knowing anything. I don't know if my child is already born or even if the mother knows that she is pregnant yet. Please pray for peace within me and please pray that the process goes quickly.

New Paths

2011-06-01T13:47:00.001-05:00

Through much prayer and searching Mitch and I have decided to pursue a new course. Please keep us in your prayers. I will share more info with everyone soon!

Thanks everyone.

Job:

2011-05-19T15:23:00.002-05:00

I have been feeling just empty and lonely lately. I started re-reading the book of Job because I feel like Job. It seems in my life that many things are not what I would want for them to be. Rather than complain and all that... I'd rather... well...

Job has three "friends" that are trying to tell him different things... that he did something to deserve what was happening and even his wife told him to curse God. I feel like all those derogatory voices are coming from within my head. I am doing my best to block out all the negativity I have been telling myself. (All these fertility meds are so "hormone-y" and I am sure that does NOT help my head state right now)

I wanted to share a part of Job that has been really speaking to me these last couple of days.

⁸ “But if I go to the east, he is not there;
if I go to the west, I do not find him.
⁹ When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.
¹⁰ But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
¹¹ My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.
¹² I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread.

¹³ “But he stands alone, and who can oppose him?
He does whatever he pleases.
¹⁴ He carries out his decree against me,
and many such plans he still has in store.
¹⁵ That is why I am terrified before him;
when I think of all this, I fear him.
¹⁶ God has made my heart faint;
the Almighty has terrified me.
¹⁷ Yet I am not silenced by the darkness,
by the thick darkness that covers my face.

I am certain that on the other side of this I will have more strength than I have now, which is more than I had at the start of this and that is more than I had before that. I know that God still has big plans for my life like Job says in verse 14. I trust that.

I love the image in my mind of me being tested and purified to create something brilliant and shining. I wanted to know how to refine gold so I looked up on eHow. To summarize:

1. Put gold in container then add nitric acid and let it sit for 30 minutes.

2. Add hydrochloric acid and muriatic acid. The mix will turn brown and will become very hot.

3. After an hour filter out any particles that could contaminate the gold. The mixture will be a clear emerald green if not do it again.

4. Add urea to balance the ph. Slowly add boiling water. It will foam so don't add it too quickly or else you will lose gold in the overflow. Once the foaming is done you are done. The ph has now gone from .1 to 1. The nitric acid is killed but the hydrochloric acid is not.

5. Add storm precipitate to the mixture with boiling water. Slowly add this to the acid. The mixture will become muddy. Allow 30 minutes for the gold to form. Check the mixture to ensure that no gold will be thrown away.

6. Pour out the acid through a filter. In the bottom you will have something that looks like mud. This is the gold. Add water. Rinse three or four times with water. Pour aqua ammonia on the gold. White vapors will appear. Rinse with water then let dry. There is your gold.

It all seems very painful. Though I love how careful the process is... that it is done delicately to protect and retain the value of the gold. It can be especially painful in the moment. It can feel like acid and boiling water inside of me. But I trust that God knows what He is doing. I trust that the pain will bring great joy one day. In the end of Job it says that he was blessed more in the last part of his life than in the first. He has beautiful children and he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation! That is so amazing.

Trust is easy when the road is flat and straight but as I walk into the forest and brambles crawl across the path and the sun is almost invisible because of the obscuring leaves and vines this is when trust can be difficult. It is hard to believe that God who I know has started a good work in me will continue it to completion (Philippians 1:6) Even though the sounds of critters in the forest is terrifying, I know that my redeemer lives and that His hand is guiding me.

Please continue to pray for Mitchell and me as we continue trusting God.

New Blog Look

2011-05-19T15:22:00.000-05:00

I decided to revamp my blog! I hope you guys like it.

More Waiting...

2011-04-19T14:49:00.002-05:00

A year ago Mitchell and I were getting ready to come back to the states. Our flight to Uganda was postponed due to the volcano though. We spent the next couple of days just playing with the kids and waiting (also taking care of a stomach bug that ran through the house).

That really was the beginning of a long series of waiting. We waited for our new flight. Then we waited for a month and a half for our house to close.

We are currently waiting for sweet Theo (our dog) to heal up from his 10 stitches that he will get out in a week. We also are waiting for our car to get out of the shop since we got rear ended on Friday. We also our waiting for good news. Please pray for us in our waiting time.

Wait wait wait...

Safari!

2011-03-24T17:11:00.002-05:00

A year ago today I was on a safari.

When I close my eyes I still can see the giraffes graceful walk and the harte beasts leaping across the road and the elephants lumbering oh so spritely. I see the warthogs jumping around and water buffalo wallowing. I can see the hippo that we saw out of the water running.

I am so blessed to have seen all of those amazing things that God has made. It was a good birthday and today has been great too! Thanks for all of my birthday wishes friends!

I'm a Bad Blogger

2011-03-22T14:57:00.003-05:00

Jonathan, just before Mitchell and I left in April, came to Acacia Tree on March 19, Mitchell's birthday
Norah came to Acacia Tree in mid February after I brought her back from an island on Lake Victoria tied to me. She doubled weight and began to smile this amazing smile!
In the time that I haven't blogged I missed talking about things that happened one year ago. I met Norah, met Jonathan, and today (one year ago) I was packing to go to a safari in Murchison Falls Uganda.

I haven't blogged so I am very bad. Norah is now safe and fat and back with her family. Jonathan seems to be getting healthy and hopefully will find a family soon.

I've been reading over my past journal entries to somewhat keep me distracted. Mitch and I continue trying to start a family and I keep peeing on sticks and they keep saying no and I keep having tests done. It all kind of sucks but there is not much I can do.

I've been just praying and waiting and that's all I can do I suppose.

On my birthday this Thursday I have a blood test. Please keep me in your prayers because all this infertility stuff sucks!

The day I met baby Theo

2011-01-24T11:02:00.004-06:00

Sunday January 24, 2010

Robin just returned with a new baby. He is one and a half years old and weighs just 6.9 kg. He was living with his grandmother and doesn't have a name.

God I just don't understand. Lord please five this baby strength and be with him tonight as he sleeps in a new place. Give him peace and security. Let him know that he will be okay.

The idea of little Theo, named the next day meaning "Gift from God", not having a name broke my heart. His healing process at Acacia Tree took a long time. He distrusted many people especially white men. He took a long time to warm up to Mitchell. He was terrified of the kitty that would come in to the house occasionally looking for scraps of food.

Isaiah 40:26

"Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls them forth each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing"

John 10:3

"The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out."

God knows our name even when we don't have one. God has his eyes on us and protects us even we are neglected and alone. I know that God had his hands of protection over Theo even before he came to our attention.

As Theo continued to heal we all fell in love with his hilarious faces. We all began to see his sneaky mischievous side. He was loud and vocal. He would play silly games.

Mitchell and Theo were instant buddies. They would joke around and play. Blessed and Theo also had a funny relationship that always made me smile.

Theo got big and fat and is now home with his grandmother.

Please pray that God continues to show babies to Robin that need love and attention and healing.

Acclimating

2011-01-21T09:20:00.004-06:00

Thursday January 21, 2010

If I could write for days I still couldn't recount every thing that happened today. All that I saw, all the I learned and all that I heard.

God, my God, the one who put the stars in the heaven, the one who put the fish in the ocean, the one that has my tears in a jar, my God who calms my heart, who calms the fear of African children my God is BIG.

In America and in all "modern" places we think so much of ourselves it is hard to acknowledge others, especially God, a god that knows the intimate details of their heart, a god that knows their weaknesses and fears.

There is so much to say and the sun has already set, so I offer snapshots.

-As we were driving to take pictures of children who need surgery to try to get sponsors to pay for their $50, life changing surgery, a little kid stood out in the road blocking us, then giggled and ran off. It was simple and sweet.

-Also as we were driving on a beautiful road that overlooked Lake Victoria some cattle were crossing the road. I smiled because I was thinking back to my trips to Mexico. On one trip on the road to Nuevo Progresso cattle stopped and blocked the road. I took a picture and it is still one of my favorite photos.....

I have so much more to say but have not the time. In closing here is what I saw today.

-children

-red dirt

-shacks

-stores

-markets

-churches

-closed down orphanage

-victims of rape

-victims of abuse

-smiles

In a word I saw hope.

This is a portion of my journal from one year ago today. It was an exhausting day but so rewarding. We saw so many young people who needed medical help, such simple surgeries that would change their lives. At this point in time Mitchell and I were still acclimating to every thing that we were newly surrounded by.

If you want to help Acacia Tree here is a list of things that she needs:

This is a random list of things that would help me, my staff, the babies, my girls or some of the kids we help in the community. I'm sure I'll think of more in the next few days!!!

Thanks so much for asking what we need/want!!

blank CDs

2 Better Homes& Gardens Cookbooks (spiral bound)

roll of drawing paper

Kumon activity books (especially cutting, pasting, mazes, number games etc)

Craft kits for kids 4-7 (like ALEX)

Seeds (lettuce, cilantro, bok choy)

Baby toys for ages 6-18 months

Macaroni & cheese

girls shoes size 9.5 (for Deborah whose is unstable)

Bath&Body works (or similar) lotion/body spray

Men's size M t-shirts or Polo (for my guards)

rat tail combs with metal tail

Reese's PB cups (bite size)

Girls bikini panties Size 8

Girls ankle socks for size 2 shoes

Black Mary Janes size 2.5 (big girls)

Tostitos (we miss chips&salsa!!)

Herdez salsa

Green chile enchilada sauce (mild)

Remembering Africa...

2011-01-19T11:27:00.004-06:00

A year ago today I was in Uganda. I had been there for just two days and was still soaking in all that I was newly surrounded by. In fact, on the 19th I was in Kampala running errands like getting money changed and searching for a shampoo in a supermarket that seemed to only have conditioner.

I thought that by this time this year life would be very different. Mitchell and I planned on having a baby belly by now but because of health issues things haven't worked that way. I have been in the midst of tons of testing and soul searching. My hope and focus has been on my future family and the joy that will one day fill our home.

I have decided that during this time of waiting that I should reflect on the past year and everything that I learned and observed while in Uganda. I will be posting pieces of my journal from that time.

Monday January 18, 2010

We arrived in Africa last night. As I laid underneath the mosquito net I listened. I heard music playing. I heard dogs barking, one pathetic cat meowing and a myriad of bird/bug noises. I could hear cars going down the red dirt road and a baby crying from across the way.

It smells different here too. It smells sweeter. Maybe the smell is hope, a pleasing scent to encourage you to dream.

There are fresh red roses on the bedside. They are beautiful.

God prepare me for the work you want me to do.

Christmas means family!

2010-12-26T10:53:00.002-06:00

I have been in Texas this last week. It has been wonderful. As we started getting closer and closer to Fort Worth along I-30 I started screaming and yelling at everything wonderful that I saw; at every minute memory of a park visit or a family mini-trip. And as we got closer to my dad's house I was just out of control. I was sure Mitchell was going to kick me out of the car for being so loud :) He told me to unroll the window and scream out the window but he soon changed his mine and told me that that just made me louder.

I love getting to see my family and everyone. I love every moment of the holidays and getting to see everyone.

I will post more later about how awesome Christmas is! Love you all!

What does death even mean?

2010-11-01T15:20:00.004-05:00

How do you say goodbye? I don't mean like when you move far away or travel across the world. I am pretty good at saying that kind of goodbye. These last few days have been surrounded by thoughts of death. On Friday I was told that my step mother's father had some serious medical issues that was most likely cancer. On Saturday a dear friend asked us to pray for her uncle who is only 25 and has prostate cancer. That night she got the call that he had died. Today my father told me that the surgeon that Grampy's problem is inoperable. People who have similar issues general live for three weeks to three months more.

I just sat down and wrote a letter to my Grampy and Grammy and it was hard. How do you say goodbye? I don't really know how but God gave me some things to write. It was hard because I don't think I think the same thing about death as others.

I believe that God's timing and plans are perfect. I believe that death on earth means life in heaven. I believe that absence from the body is presence with God.

I believe Paul's writing in I Thessalonians 4:13-18

"But I would not have be ignorant, brothers, concerning them who are asleep, that you sorrow not, even as others have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also who sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not precede them who are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God and the dead in Christ shall rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore, comfort one another with these words."

I believe what Paul says in Philippians 1:21

"For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain"

I don't know if I would have the same convictions in the face of my own coming death but I believe that I would. The pain involved in dying is kind of scary but the moment that I am present with God will make all of life worth it.

I think of the Chris Tomlin song "How Can I Keep From Singing" the line, "I will sing with my last breath sing for I know that I will sing with angels and the saints around the throne"

But how do I say that same thing to someone on the cusps of death. How do say these things without sounding insincere or naive or strange?

My God is amazing. He makes the hard things easy and comforts us in the times that feel like they may crush us.

*Update: Last night, Monday the 1st, my grandfather walked through the pearly gates healed and whole around 10:30.

Hoping Place

2010-09-27T20:03:00.003-05:00

I wrote a little while back, after I got back from Uganda, about the direction God is directing my life. I wrote about how I now understand that my purpose in life is to make my house a home that is open to anyone that needs a home. I have these big dreams about creating a nursery for when we are blessed with children to love and about designing a super cozy guest room for anyone needing a place of respite. I can see Mitch, Theo and I playing with our children at the park. I see all of these things. I imagine me cooking up a big meal for people who need some food. I hear a tea pot whistle on the stove as I set out some big tea cups to have heart felt conversations on the couch.

It's kind of strange. I see the finish line and I see where I am now. I am doing my best to take steps forward yet there are somethings that only God can do. It is kind of like the "waiting place" from Dr. Seuss' "O The Places You Will Go", kind of. But I am not just waiting on a train to come... or the wind to blow... I am more so in a "hoping place". I have faith that some day soon. I will put to full use all that I have been prepared to do. The bible says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1.

That is where I am. To the rest of the world that is rushing by at a million miles an hour it may seem like I am standing still and sometimes that makes me feel a little foolish or dumb but it really shouldn't. Does a butterfly feel foolish when it is in a cocoon? Does a seed feel dumb as it slowly grows even before it breaks the soil? No... they somehow understand that this time of hoping, this time of faith, is molding them to be stronger and to bear much fruit. I am not the first to be in this waiting place where faith is required, no, where faith is all there is.

Hebrews 11 tells of many people who only had faith and hope to spur them forward. I want to highlight some of them here. Noah had great faith when he, bearing the scorn and shame of those around him, built a giant boat on his dry land and proceeded to fill it with animals even though there was no sign of rain. I kind of feel like that. I am preparing my home for that which there is no sign of. Abraham and Sarah had great faith when they trusted that God would give them a child even though they were very old and yes they strayed from their faith and doubted and Abraham had a son with his handmade but they soon realized their error and put their faith back into God and He blessed them with Isaac. It says of Sarah that "she judged him faithful who had promised". I love that. She weighed what she had been told against what she knew and what she had seen in her life and around her and knew that God would be true. I feel like that sometimes, like nothing around me should give me any hope towards my dream but I know God and what he has done for me and how he has poured his love out onto me beyond measure and I know that he will sustain me. Hebrews also speaks about Jacob who praised God even with his dying breath. And of Moses' parents. I cannot imagine what I would do if God told me to go set my child into the Allegheny River, let alone the Nile (it has crocodiles), in a basket. I would think I had lost my mind. Surely God wouldn't ask me or call me to do something so bizarre. Yet that is what they did. They laid their new son into the Nile River in a basket and had faith that God would provide and he did. The baby was pulled out of the river by the Pharaoh's daughter. Mind blowing!

All this is mostly written out for me to process this strange place that I am in. I suppose that I have been in this "hoping place" since returning from Uganda. While in Africa I had a specific purpose and I knew what I had to do I was constantly surrounded by it. Here I am waiting. Here I am building a boat in the dry season. Here I am trusting he who has promised. Here I am putting all my love and joy into a basket and praying for the best (figuratively of course).

Maybe you are in this place too... just like me. I want to encourage you. God has done amazing things in my life. He has pulled me from dark places. He has blessed me beyond belief. And He has used me in amazing ways to bring glory to His name. I have fed and held the orphans of Africa. I have clothed those without clothes. God has used me to love and to teach. Have faith and God will use you in ways that at the end of the day leave you exhausted, humbled, in awe and completely excited for what comes next.

"In hope of eternal life, which God, who cannot lie, promised before the world began"

Titus 1:2

"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith;"

2 Timothy 4:7

"Faithful is he that calls you, who also will do it"

1 Thessalonians 5:24

"And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

Galatians 6:9

"In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by an action, is dead."

James 2:17

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not have, we wait for it patiently"

Romans 8:24-25

"You are my refuge and my shield. I put my hope in your word."

Psalm 119:114

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer"

Roman 12:12

Soul Searching

2010-08-16T07:34:00.005-05:00

Something that I was reminded of yesterday in church was that our relationship with God isn't just a *poof* now you understand everything. It is a wrestling, like Jacob in the desert. The hard questions and even harder answers grab onto you and wrestle with you all through the night and just as you think you are getting the upper hand the question reaches down and hurts your hip (well maybe not exactly but something like that).

I think that if all of us would be a little bit more real and actually embrace that we have questions and really allow our selfs to soul search for the answers we might all be a little better off.

So many questions run through my mind all the time that I don't know what to do with. I don't know how to interpret them, process them, and share them.

Questions like:

God why do you allow people who were so close at some point in time to walk so far away from you that just by being out of your light they seem like totally different people?

God why don't I always feel held and understood?

How is it that coming to You and following You has put me in such lonely places?

and even questions that I don't feel like even really talking about like:

God why do you allow women to get pregnant that are just going to have an abortion or who aren't going to properly care for their children when there are so many women trying desperately to have their own children?

Will it all be worth waiting for?

I used to even wonder if I was going to get bored in heaven. I used to wrestle with that question. I used to say, in my head, well I like living for Jesus but I don't know about that whole eternity stuff, it just seems to long. But I wrestled with it (more so it wrestled with me) and as I read a book, The Shack, I started realizing that heaven is about unity it is about the opposite of loneliness it is fulfillment and family and togetherness.

Or when Norah came to Acacia Tree just a frail skeleton with baggy skin who if you would try to look at her, her eyes would roll back in her head and she would shut down I really had little hope. I would question God. How could you let her suffer like this at the hands of those who are supposed to love her? How in the world will she ever make it? Because to tell you the truth to me she looked more dead than alive. I carried her to the hospital and as I was sitting in the van waiting to take her in I heard wailings start, the wailings that are called out when someone dies. Then they rolled the body by the car covered with just a sheet. The pavement was very uneven and I could see the now lifeless body shake with each pot hole and divot in the road underneath it's improper covering. I saw his empty feet sway from side to side. I saw them bring out the bed the now dead man had been lying on and place it in the sun to disinfect it. Just like that he was gone and the hospital was making way for the nest sick patient. At the same time I saw a big black bird land on the ground at the hospital which in Uganda is an omen of death waiting to take someone away, as I was told by Diana. I was terrified. Everywhere I looked it seemed that death was coming down around this little girl. I didn't understand. I wrestled with the seeming injustice. God if she isn't going to make it just call her home so she won't have to suffer anymore.

Yet we covered her in prayer. As I tried to feed her I prayed that she would take the milk because most of the time she wouldn't. As I held her or tried to even look at her I prayed that God would renew her spirit within her to have even a shred of hope. As we would bathe her we prayed that the terrible memories that seemed to be making her scream in terror at the thought of being around water would leave her alone. As I would lay her down to sleep I would pray that the demons that were surrounding her thanks to her island's witch doctor would stay away from her dreams to allow her to sleep in peace. We hoped against logic and prayed against seemingly insurmountable odds. Add this amazing and tiny little girl slowly began to thrive. She doubled in weight. She began to smile and laugh. She began to not only drink milk but to eat solids. She started sleeping well, the bad dreams were gone. She even was able to bathe without screaming in time. And now praise to God she is home with her family that now has seen the love of Jesus first hand, Jesus brought their daughter back from death. I had already left Uganda by the time she went home but I saw the picture on the Zemba Kids facebook page and the look on her father's face is priceless. The suffering is terrible but the joy in healing is greater.

When it all comes down to it. None of this really shakes my faith for long because as I look back to my past and the way my life has gone I know that nothing but the blood of Jesus has protected me and blessed me in uncountable ways.

It's not a sin to question and wrestle and figure things out. On the contrary, I believe that it makes your faith stronger because then it isn't just answers from the preacher it is answers from within yourself that have been tested with fire.

I boldly follow God because He boldly leads me, there is no other way to follow Him.

Visiting Africa

2010-08-12T10:46:00.003-05:00

Though I am thousands of miles away I visit Uganda frequently. When I lay waiting to fall asleep at night I find myself on the red dirt roads. I find myself smelling the mix of muchomo, flowers, and fruit that flood the streets of Entebbe. I even smell the stinky silver fish and miss it. I practice walking to different places in Uganda so that I won't forget and will be ready to hit the ground running if ever I go back. Some nights I go through my small repertoire of Luganda and beat myself up when I can't remember a word (for example last night I couldn't remember the word to stand up). I think of a specific time that I said every little word that I can think of.

At night I walk through the markets and go to the beach. I sit by the pool and watch the kids play in the water. I think of Benja's sleepy smile. I think of Norah's infectious smile. I think of Sadie's tootsie roll legs. I think of Sarah Bella crying at the dinner table after she said something that we all thought was funny. I think of Rayah prancing around in a tutu and her clappy shoes. I think of Robin and Blessed and Sarah cracking jokes and eating popcorn.

I know it is silly, maybe, but I can't help but go back there. I can't help but dream of holding the babies. I can't help but love them and pray for them and dream about them. Something about being there and giving special care to these children and learning about the culture and seeing all the beauty that God has put in Africa has my heart kind of stuck there.

Pittsburgh is a place

2010-07-28T15:06:00.003-05:00

With how many delays Mitchell and I had I wasn't sure that Pittsburgh really existed.

We have now been here for 2 weeks. I have been busy unpacking, all but about 5 boxes are unpacked now. I have also painted the master bed room a delicious chocolate brown (or Michelle-Obama-nude if you heard about all the hub-ub about her state dinner dress being called "nude" by her designer)

Our yard is a bit out of hand but I am working on it. I have also planted basil, cilantro and garlic.

Today I ran errands then made boiled eggs, pasta sauce, tuna salad, and hot sauce.

Our first Sunday we tried a church that was almost 200 years old. The community was great as well as the message but there wasn't anyone around our age or stage in life. This Sunday we tried a church that had a "self-help" message, as I like to call it. The community seemed good and they have a great children's ministry but I don't think it is the church for us.

On Monday night Mitchell and I went to a Bible study at the In the Blood Tattoo Parlor in South Side on Carson Street. It was very encouraging and we met two young married couples and few single people too. We are going to go to the church that they are associated with, Hot Metal Bridge. I am excited about the possibilities here.

Please pray that God shows us a church group and friends to have. Also please pray that He shows me my purpose here. I have good days and bad days. Today was a good day but yesterday...hmmm... not so much.

I love you all and miss you.

I will end this post with one of our sweet babies from Uganda that I miss severely!

Post Something

2010-06-26T12:39:00.006-05:00

I haven't posted... so I probably should... I don't know what to post so I think I will just post pictures that I like.

Train outside of J Cafe in Portland, Oregon last fall

Door at Jump Theatre in San Antonio

Sweet baby River at the theatre... very sophisticated young man (son of this lovely lady)

Our future home with shutters and flowers in Pittsburgh, PA .... if everything goes well

Sweet Emanuel from Nuevo Progresso, Tamualipas, Mexico last year. His big brother Cesar gave me a yellow and white bracelet that he made

Painting I did last fall. It was inspired from a painting that I saw in Alfred Hitchcock's Rope.

Caroline with her sweet new rescue puppy, Rascal.

Pretty architectural detail in Tolar, TX.

Cloth diapers hanging on the line in Entebbe, Uganda.

This June!

2010-06-15T10:42:00.007-05:00

So June has been pretty crazy. We were supposed to get to Pittsburgh on June 1st but have been delayed until the 21st. Therefore we have had lots of free time.

We stopped in Hico, Texas (on Hwy 6) on a trip from San Antonio to Fort Worth and found this awesome Dr. Pepper wall painting.

We went to the Kimbell Art Musuem and the Amon G. Carter Musuem and took a picture of each other but it was too bright to open our eyes.

We went on a date day to the South Lake Town Center where we shopped, had dinner, listened to live music then drove back to Benbrook bought some nail polish, had a milk shake and then played on the swings and merry-go-round at castle park.

And one day when we were going to see my sister we stopped in Tolar, Texas (on Hwy 377) and took some pictures by some dilapidated buildings.

Most of all I have loved seeing family; parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, grandparent's twin, cousins, and most exciting SISTER!

When he came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen:"Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!"
"Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!" Luke 19:37-38

So what...

2010-05-06T09:58:00.004-05:00

Something that is always strange to me about coming back from someplace else, be it Africa, or Oklahoma, or an awesome worship service, or any place else that not everyone understands is figuring out what it all means.

I must admit that once I got off the plane in the states I went into a type of recluse mode. Everything around me was too much to understand; affluence, waste, frivolity. I have for the most part only seen family and I spend a lot of time outside. I can't seem to get myself to stay inside or places where I have to interact with others for very long.

Why? Why I am having so much trouble "adjusting"? I think that some of the issues that I have been having are stemming from the fact that I haven't been able, nor am I capable of telling everyone how amazing Africa was. I suppose that it will help me to tell at least the followers of my blog of Uganda, of Africa, of the babies, of Lake Victoria.

What an average day looked like: I would wake up in the morning and get dressed. Then Sarah or I would make breakfast, usually eggs. Then everything would start the babies would come into the main part of the house once their morning baths were over and each would be put into their respective seats. After the messy and loud and hilarious meal play time would begin. I would either go outside with the children or sit inside and fold laundry (and believe me there was always laundry that needed to be folded). Mid morning was snack time and the younger babies would have a nap. Around noon was lunch. Then potty time for the big boys and nap time for everyone. During nap time I sometimes got bored since there wasn't always something to do. The cat there did learn a lot of dances during nap times though.... okay this is getting boring...

Fridays were medical outreach days. Mitchell and I would board a wooden boat which often had leaks. The boat used a 25 hp engine to propel nurses, doctors, teachers, and us to various islands on Lake Victoria. On the lake we would all be served tea and samosas or chapatis (pretty funny if you ask me). We would land at the island and unload the boat of medicines, vaccines, and supplies for Kids Club. The Ugandan team of nurses has been going out to the islands since 2006 and is the only team that has consistently provided medical assistance to these unreached people. Mitchell and I would sit at the medicine table and count out pills. The poverty on these islands was often overwhelming as well as the odors in the small buildings that we would provide medical assistance. On the islands it was not unusual for little kids to see our light skin and start crying because they has never seen anyone without dark skin.

Other things we did: hold babies at the doctors office, change lots of diapers, play with kids, Mitchell was the go-to-guy for pushing the swing, I killed a snake.

Highlights: if I had to break down the trip to one word it would have to be children. The children is what made all of it worth while. Seeing the change that just love and food made in the lives of the children at Acacia Tree Uganda was astonishing.

For example one Friday while Mitchell and I were on the sand island of Lake Victoria we saw a mother walk in with the most malnourished child I had ever seen in person. I knew that that little baby girl needed our help yet my Luganda was not good enough to express my desire to the mother. I prayed for God to help us to help her and through his wisdom he enabled us to bring the baby that we came to know as Norah to Acacia Tree to be nourished and helped. When she first arrived she didn't cry at all even to pain from shots or anything else that would make most babies cry. And if anyone would look at her, her eyes would roll back in her head and she would close her eye lids. We really would watch her just shut down completely. She would go somewhere else within herself. When she would sleep she would often wake up screaming and crying seemingly from bad dreams. Her skin was reminiscent of the Golden Book "The Saggy Baggy Elephant" since there was nothing beneath her skin save bones and she would often wring her hands and scratch at her inline tube that was put in for medicines. Yet with love, prayer, and food I am elated to say that Norah became one of the happiest children at Acacia Tree within a few weeks. Her smile could light up the room and she doubled in weight during the two months that we were with her. Her cheeks filled out and her eyes are now wide open and shine very bright. She stands and crawls and laughs. Her story is just one of the many that I now cherish within my heart.

Her story is just one of the many that has changed my life, my outlook, my desires, and my dreams.

So what... what has changed? I now have a focus for my life. The amazing thing to me about what we were doing for the children wasn't the food on the table or the toys to play with or clean clothes but rather was the love. It was the love that I am sure did more for them than any meal could have ever done. It was the love that we gave because we were first shown love by Jesus. He stepped down from heaven into earth to show us love, on a much grander scale than me stepping down from the comfort of the US into Uganda. The love that he continually pours out on me enabled me to pour out love onto these needy children who really didn't know how to be loved.

This has given me a focus for my life, a focus of love. I have decided that my home will be a place of love for anyone needing love, for anyone needing home. I have decided that my life will be like a servant host. My home will always be open as well as my arms for anyone that needs love. Because love isn't just lacking in Uganda it is lacking here. People walk around not understanding what home means. I want to show people what love, what home means because Jesus showed me home. God showed me that safe place of protection where the rest of my problems don't matter.

So if I ever seem stand off-ish know that it is not because I am not excited to see you. Know that within me my thoughts, actions, and words are in the process of realigning to this new north of love. My entire life plan is in the process of shifting and changing.

Volcano Plans

2010-04-18T05:34:00.004-05:00

Volcano eruption is increasing! So here is a short list of our plans (some in jest, some less in jest than they were yesterday and more of a joke than they will seem tomorrow):
a. fly to South Africa and hop the 20 hour flight to DFW...but that costs $4000 per person
b. fly to western Africa then get a cruise back to the States
c. hop on a Maersk ship as a stowaway behind a shipping container (hopefully full of gently used mattresses)
d. fly to South America then rent a car (can we rent a car and drive across continents)
e. fly to India and go the other way around the world
f. charter a yacht at prices ranging from 29000 to 70000 euros per week
g. somehow combine all or some of these plans to come up with a superplan
h. wait it out, see if KLM succeeds in convincing the Dutch officials with its test flight data

10 Days

2010-04-06T06:46:00.006-05:00

It is hard to believe that we will be leaving Africa in just 10 days. These three months have been amazing. Norah is at 7 kg now! Theo is so talkative and will mimic anything you say. Jonathan will smile every now and then. It is precious. Baby Sadie got her ears pierced and is growing and growing. Benja says my name now and I can't get enough of it.
Last week a little boy named Mayor came. His adopted mother Salem has been trying to get his visa for over two months now. She had to go back to the states so he is staying with us for now. He seems to be adjusting well. Keep the 20+ children also in his visa situation in your prayers.
I will see everyone soon.

Come on a safari with me

2010-03-29T02:59:00.000-05:00

We have been very busy here in Uganda. Two Fridays ago a new baby boy came to Acacia Tree. His name is Jonathan and he has Downs Syndrome. He is three years old but very very small and malnourished. On Tuesday Robin learned that he has blockage in his small intestine. He needs surgery but with his frail stature and compromised immune system the surgery is very risky. Pray that God gives wisdom to Robin and the doctors as they decide on a course of action.
Norah and Theo are both doing great. Norah’s last weigh in was at 6.4 kg and Theo’s outfit today is size 18 months, his actual age. Both have been crawling a lot, Theo for the first time and Norah for the first time since she started losing weight. Norah has been pulling herself up and I think she may be walking again soon. Theo loves standing at the toy drawer and looking at himself in the mirror. He very much so resembles Gary Coleman.
On Tuesday Mitchell and I left for a three day safari to Murchison Falls. It was amazingly beautiful. Our room at Paraa Safari Lodge overlooked the Nile and while sitting at the pool we could hear the hippos below. We went on a game drive and saw so many animals. One of my favorites was the baby wart hogs. They would run and jump around, very cute. The giraffes were amazing and the elephants were huge yet graceful. We also went on a boat trip up the Nile to the base of Murchison Falls. I didn’t know I was afraid of crocodiles until I saw one in the wild. We also went on a chimp track through the Budongo Forest. Completely awesome!

Gaining weight and snakes...

2010-03-16T06:15:00.002-05:00

Thank you everyone for your prayers. God has been faithful and good. Theo is up to 9.10 kg from his initial 6.7 and Norah weighed in at 5.18 kg on Sunday. Her skin is looking healthy, she is happier, and she is getting some fat in her cheeks.

Today Blessed killed a snake that the kids found. She gave him a good hard smack and then I hit him with a board that had screws in it. We also found some snake eggs. Yuck!

Norah

2010-03-10T06:18:00.005-06:00

Norah is slowly getting better but she wants to be held constantly, which isn't too bad considering she is only 10 pounds. Today she seems to having nightmares every time she tries to sleep. Pray for God's peace and protection.

Theo is doing great he is more happy and is talking a lot. Just today when Mitchell put him in his bed he said "thank you" He makes the funniest faces too.

Sadie is growing big and fat. She loves to be sang to. Her favorites include "Sadie, Sadie (Bicycle built for two)", "Don't Stop Believing"and "Sadie Fit the Battle of Jericho

Pics

2010-03-02T02:37:00.007-06:00

Here are pics of Theo and Norah

Baby Norah

2010-02-27T07:28:00.003-06:00

We got a new baby yesterday. She is the most emaciated little thing I have ever seen. Pics may come soon but She needs lots of good food and prayer. Her family was feeding her only water and sugar. We found her on the islands during the medical outreach and the parents both agreed to let Diana and us take the baby to Acacia Tree. She is 14 months and weighs 4 kilos or 8.8 pounds.

Rainy Season!

2010-02-25T03:15:00.002-06:00

The smell of rain is amazing. So crisp and clean. When we first arrived I noticed that it smells sweeter here. I don't know if it is from the fruit or the flowers but it is amazing.

Last Friday Mitchell and I went to the medical outreach. The little kids were so precious. As we were setting up a young boy was dancing and singing for me. We gave out the hard candies that Greg Tunnell gave to us at our going away party and the kids loved them.

Please pray for our health. It seems that every week either Mitchell or I are sick or injured or something like that. Also pray that all of the paperwork that Robin has to get filed goes well.

Thank you for all of your prayers over baby Theo. He is gaining weight, though he is still underweight for his age. He is very irritable and hard to keep happy. Please pray that we all have patience with him as he is learning how to be loved and taken care of.

A while back I think that I blogged about a little boy that was here for one night named Asheraf. We found out that two Fridays ago he passed away. He was born without a valve between his right atrium and ventricle (or something like that, I am not a doctor). His short 9 month life was full of witchcraft and superstition and a drinking mother that didn't take care of him. Even though his death his untimely and tragic I rejoice that he is in the arms of our Savior. Like the song says "In the arms of our dear savior o there are 10,000 charms"

One Month

2010-02-18T00:52:00.002-06:00

We have now been in Uganda for one month. Somethings are like I expected other things are harder others easier. I would like to share with you some of the things that I have learned.

1. Do not run during the rainy season, in Crocs, on slippery cement steps, holding a cat. Reason: just ask the rainbow colored bruise/abrasion/knot on my knee.

2. Anti-malaria meds make for really bad dreams.

3. A lie that the Devil tries to tell us is that places are different. I remember thinking as a kid that as we drove to Missouri to see my great grandmother that things were going to be so strange in Missouri. I was certain that the grass was going to be different colors, or the sky, or the people would look different or something. The truth, however, was that Missouri wasn't much different from Texas. As we were preparing for Africa a similar feeling was within me, that Africa was going to feel different. But here there are birds, there are trees, there are people, just like in America. They all are created by God and they all are loved by God. That is the truth that people the world over are all the same. God loves his African children as much as his American children as much as his Russian children as much as his Chinese children.

4. I have also learned how to roll out chapatis!

Africa

2010-02-04T06:14:00.005-06:00

Here are a few pictures of the babies and the scenery.

There are more pics at zembekids.blogspot.com

Growing Fatter

2010-02-02T03:46:00.003-06:00

The day after baby Theo came two more babies came. One of them, Asheraf, was not well and was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night. Last we heard he had been transfered to a heart specialist. The other baby, Moshe stayed with us for a few days before he went to his grandmother's. When he had first came he clung to me and I prayed and sang over him as I held him.

Theo is getng more and more happy, fat, and strong.

As some of you may have heard Mitchell was accepted to Carnegie Mellon University for their Electrical and Computer Engineering PhD program. Pray that God guides us into the next phase of our life, be it there or somewhere else..

Baby Theo

2010-01-25T07:55:00.002-06:00

Last night a new baby came to Acacia Tree. Robin has decided to call him Theo, meaning gift from God. Pray that he grows in size and strength. He is one and a half years old and only weighs 6.7 kg. Right now he is taking a high caloric drink every few hours to give him much needed nourishment. There are a couple of other babies that may be joining us very soon.

Theo is adjusting very well. Please pray for all of the other children that are a little confused by the new baby. Also pray that when the new babies come that God shows us what they need most.

We will post some pictures soon. Thank you for all of your prayers!

Island Ministries

2010-01-23T09:55:00.003-06:00

Cassidy and I went out to an Island on Lake Victoria yesterday. We got to the church at 8:00 AM and didn't push off until 10:00. It rained for a good part of our trip so we sat on the boat under a tarp for almost an hour of our two hour trip on what just might have been the slowest boat on the lake still powered by a motor. It was awesome though. We were on a rickety boat with visible leaks and water in the bottom, crossing wakes that were similar in size to our boats. While on the boat we were served tea and samosas. When we got the island, Cassidy and I were responsible for sorting out the medications that were prescribed by the nurses who did the consultations. After an hour or so of that Diana, director of the island ministries, walked us an another muzungu around the island. While on our walkabout we encountered an illegal tilapia stash. These fish can grow to be around 400lbs and the fish we saw weighed in around 8-12 ounces. We then approached a house with a stark naked baby outside who, when he saw us, got up and ran inside crying. I guess we were the first buzungu he had seen and we were still a little scary. After this we encountered a group of children leaving the bible club that was held on the island during the clinic. Each of the three muzungu had children clinging to a finger or two. It was an awesome day but the trip back felt even longer.

Uganda

2010-01-21T06:32:00.004-06:00

Mitchell and I have been busy. On Tuesday we went into the capital city, Kampala. All of the people, cars, and motorcycle taxis called botas can be overwhelming, especially since traffic laws and right of way seem to be novel ideas.

The children here at the baby house are precious. During the day a two and a half year old named Deborah comes. The first day she kept looking at my funny skin. Benja is two and lives here. He is such a happy little boy.

We have also started trying the food. Two nights ago we tried motoke which is kind of like mashed potatos but it is made from bananas.

Tomorrow we are going with a woman named Diana to the islands for medical outreach. Also this afternoon we may be going with her to take pictures of ten children who all need surgery of different kinds that would only cost about fifty dollars.

Prayer: please pray for the outreach on Friday and that who needs the help is there. Pray that Mitchell and I continue to adjust well. Pray that God gives us great strength and endurance to do all the things we need to do.

I love you all and thanks for the prayers.

We are here!

2010-01-18T11:43:00.002-06:00

Thank you for all of your prayers! We are safely here. Last night we got in around 9 at night and all of our luggage was there.

Today Mitchell slept until 3 and I woke up at 10. The children are precious! I will update more later!

Pray for continued health and that our jetlag is done with. Pray that God uses us while we are here.

We leave today!

2010-01-16T06:54:00.003-06:00

I didn't get to blog yesterday... I almost blogged everyday last week.

Yesterday I gave Mitchell a hair cut. It is the shortest I have ever seen it but it will be good since he won't have a hair cut for three months. After Salon de Cassidy we ran last minute errands. We then began the daunting task of packing all of our bags the way that they need to be packed for our trip. Overwhelming to say the least.

Last night my dad and Lisa through a going away party for us. It was really great. Meemaw and Peepaw were there, so were Grammy and Grampy. Aunt Caren came as well as Brad and Tammy Carlson. And Meredith and Andrew brought baby Wesley. It was really fun and I had some great food!

Our flight leaves DFW at 1:20 p.m. We are going to be leaving the house at around 10 to make sure we have plently of time to check in all of the things we are taking to orphanage (including two high chairs)

I really cannot quite comprehend that I will be leaving in three hours to the airport to leave to go to Africa for three months. I have no idea what that even means right now. I suppose that that is a good thing though because I had no trouble sleeping last night and I feel very much so at peace.

Thank you for everyone's continued prayers.

If you think about Mitchell and I in these next 30 hours please pray for our traveling and that we have no problems getting all the supplies to the orphange. Pray that we have no problems clearing our luggage and getting our visas once we get to Uganda. Pray for favor as we travel and that we have as few issues as possible. Pray that the security guards don't stop us to go through our bags because I painstaikingly packed them and it would be quite difficult to get everything to fit in them again! Pray that I don't go stir crazy on the flights.

I love you all. Next time that I blog I will most likely be on a different continent!

Praise God for the work he is choosing to do through Mitchell and me!

Lazy Days

2010-01-13T20:05:00.003-06:00

Mitchell and my dad's new dog, Molly.

Today was a wonderfully lazy day. I had lunch with my mother and my sister. Then Mitch and I went and tried to run some errands, but the Half Price Books that we were trying to go to was closed. We did get to go walk around JoAnn's Fabric a little bit. There we got some canvas to make Mitchell a cloth belt for Uganda. There was a huge selection! I loved it!

Back at home I napped, played cards, WiiFitted? for an hour and studied the Luganda language. Pretty awesome.

For dinner I put some of my studying to good use. I had a baga (burger) with chipusi (chips or french fries) and amazzi (water). For dessert we had more of the pie that Caroline and I made. WONDERFUL!

Last night I felt very stressed out so Mitchell and I read Galatians. I love how tangible that book is. It blatantly tells you the fruits of the spirit, that is how we should look as Christians, as well as the armor of God, that is how to prepare yourself for battle. Daily I have to remind myself that this life is a constant battle. I have to beat down distractions and focus on the prize.

Pie.. 3.14159265358979323.....

2010-01-12T19:20:00.004-06:00

Today my sister and I made pie!!!!! Delicious, wonderful, French silk pie. It was amazing. We danced around the kitchen to my ipod, more like me dancing and Caroline laughing at her fool of a sister. We also made a mess because my mixing bowl at home is taller.... I guess you had to be there to understand. It was so much fun. It is moments like that that stay with me. It is things like that that I will think of when we get to Uganda and when I miss my family.

Before the pie making commenced we went and ran some errands. We got bed sheets for Uganda that are zebra print and awesome. We also got some carabiners to attach extra things to our backpacks, more bug spray, seasoning spices (we were told the food is very bland in Uganda) and oxiclean.

This afternoon we met up with my grandmother, aunt, and cousin. I helped Grace Elizabeth on her homework in which we counted by tens. Counting by tens is hard work but somebody has to do it.

I have decided that I am going to keep a daily journal while I am in Uganda so that when I am old and gray I can look back on these wonderful memories, many of which I probably will have forgotten by then. I will do my best to blog as often as possible but with everything to do there I am not sure how much blogging time will allow.

Today's prayer requests: I keep thinking of last minute things that we need to get so please pray that God focuses my mind and that I don't forget anything too important, pray for Rebecca and Robert as they prepare to move on Thursday, and pray for our upcoming flights.

Iowa is far away....

2010-01-11T21:52:00.002-06:00

Last night Mitchell and I went to First Baptist Church of Smithfield for a going away party for the Ragsdales. Rhonda Ragsdale is a super power house of a lady that organizes the yearly trips to Mexico, of which I have gone on seven. She is such an inspiration of a servants heart. Her husband, Dave, is one of the funniest people I know and has helped me realize that there will never come a day when I stop growing as a Christian.

Paul talks about our Christian life as a race, something that requires endurance and patience not as an on and off switch. I don't instantly become Christ like. I have to put myself into His hands, let Him mold me at the chosen pace (art takes time), and let Him constantly change me.

In more mathematical terms many people think of themselves as 1 dimensional, a solitary point in space without interaction. These people tend to be very sad because we were not designed as individuals, but rather as parts and pieces of a larger body. Others view themselves as 2 dimensional were they interact with those around them but nothing above. These people will often find themselves unfufilled because they don't yet comprehend that God wants a relationship with them. There are also people who live in 3 dimensions, acknowledging themselves, others, and God yet they don't search much deeper than that. There are people who live in 4 dimensions who allow God to interact with them and not just "church-God" but the living all powerful creator of the earth God who wants to completely shake your world into something amazing.

I hope that I am living in the 4d, though I know often I just live 3d. I aspire to one day live 5d, 6d, or more. What that really means I don't yet know, but I trust that as I chase after God, He will reveal Himself to me in amazing ways.

Tonight I ate dinner with the Dunlap's (now technically the Dunlaps and Whitings since Becca got married and changed her name). This week Rebecca and her husband Robert are moving to Iowa. It was great to get to see them one more time before she leaves. Becca and I have known each other since 7th grade.

Prayer Requests: That my nephew Wesley starts to feel better, that I have time to accomplish everything that I need to, and for traveling mercies.

Uptown Girls!

2010-01-10T12:11:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was such a wonderful, relaxing day with friends and family. In the morning Mitchell and I played Wii Fit during which I learned my "body age" is 27. Then we went to my Aunt Lisa's house and played with my cousin Grace. Grace gave me her school picture and together we placed it into my planner so that I will have it with me in Uganda. FYI Grace decided it should be in the bottom left corner of the inside cover.

In the evening Mitchell and out friend Matt Berger went to the Cowboys game. While the boys were off being boys, Matt's wife and I walked around downtown Fort Worth. It was such a great evening of friendship! Nicole is the coolest. We were regular uptown girls, walking around the shops and hanging out at Starbucks for an hour just chatting!

Thanks to everyone who prayed for us yesterday. I got a text a few hours after I posted the last post saying that the pipes unfroze at my dad's house and that they didn't bust! What a blessing.

Church this morning was amazing. I love all kinds of praise and worship music but there is just something about an old hymn that gives me peace like no other. As I sat in church I just absorbed the words "Turn your eyes upon Jesus look full in His wonderful face....... The things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace". It is so strange looking back to the way I used to think about life and the world and comparing it to the work that God has done in me. I am not worried that I only will have 1 skirt, 3 dresses, and 1 pair of pants for 3 months. I am not worried about the lack of AC or consistent water. I am not concerned about leaving the comforts of malls and fast food and constant electricity. I am not concerned about the language differences. Just like in the song, when I focus on God everything else pales in comparison.

God is something that I couldn't understand until I just sat at His feet and let Him guide me. It seems contradictory but there is so much freedom at the feet of the Lord.

Please pray for continued peace and focus. I praise God for this week of hopeful relaxation I will be able to enjoy before heading out on our big adventure!

One Week

2010-01-09T13:27:00.004-06:00

Today is exactly one week from our departure date. As I type I am exactly one week, to the minute, from our boarding time.

Last week I started to get a little anxious about everything but through God's help and everyone's prayers I am feeling quite a bit more relaxed. We met with Kendall yesterday morning as we left San Antonio and he gave us vitamins to take over to the children. I think that this last week is going to keep me so busy that I won't even realize how quickly the 16th is coming.

Last Sunday Mitchell's parent threw a wonderful going away party for us. We got to see family friends, kids from church, and even some of our friends like the Nicole and the Canales family. It was a complete blast.

My goal is to blog everyday this week to let you know what I am thinking but most of all to send my prayer requests out to you. Even in the days of the new church the body would share it's prayer needs with the rest of the body. Prayer needs for today: Pray that God gives me a clear mind so that I can get everything into order, pray that the pipes at my dad's house thaw so that they can have hot and cold water, pray for the orphanage in Uganda and the preparations that are being made on their end for our arrival.

To read more about the orphanage where we will be and to learn more about the children check out their blog at www.zembakids.blogspot.com

The picture is from our road trip yesterday. Cold, no make-up, and tired!

11 Days

2010-01-05T18:05:00.002-06:00

I can hardly believe that Saturday the 16th is almost here! Every time that I try to sit and think about where I am going to be and what I am going to be doing I get a little bit overwhelmed. It is so amazing that God has chosen little ol' me to fly across the world to care for his children.

I try to imagine what it will be like to walk down the streets of Entebbe. I imagine the monkeys that I have been told about and the big birds that are everywhere. I imagine the warmth of the sun on my skin. I imagine myself trying to communicate in the market. I imagine myself holding the children and playing with the children. I imagine the beautiful eyes of the kids as they look at this crazy muzungu walking through the city.

I know that no matter how much dreaming and thinking that I do, God is going to blow my mind. Every plan that I have ever made that I have given over to Him, He has turned my so-so into amazing. I am on the title page of the next chapter of my life and cannot wait to read the beautiful poetry that El Shaddai is going to write on these pages.

Contributions

2009-12-30T19:50:00.002-06:00

For those of you who have been wondering how you can make a contribution you can either a: make a check payable to Mitchell and I or b: for a tax deductible contribution you can make a check payable to Harvest Fellowship and leave the subject line blank. Either way you can mail the checks to 15323 Antler Creek SATX 78248.

Thanks to everyone who has been so willing to help Mitchell and I go be the hands and feet.

My Center

2009-12-30T17:10:00.002-06:00

It is so crazy how fast time passes! Mitchell and I have been frantically working on moving out of our apartment and into storage. It doesn't seem like that big of a task until I realized that we not only had to pack for Uganda and put everything else in storage, we also needed clothes out for winter and for April when we get back, i.e. we have stuff everywhere!

Robin has been telling me very exciting things about the orphanage and the children there and my friend Whitney sewed me an awesome baby sling to carry the children around the compound in!

The prayers that we have been surrounded by have been absolutely wonderful. Any "logical" person would be slightly frightened or worried about leaving the comforts of home for three months to a place that they have never been, yet I sit on the title page of a new chapter in my life calmly. The placid feelings within me don't seem to match the tumultuous waves that one would think should accompany such an endeavor. Praise be to God who is my center, my shepherd, and my everything.

Please continue to pray that plans go smoothly, we already had to change our flights back home, and that God shows us what to do next.

Thanks for your prayers!

2009-11-16T20:19:00.001-06:00

So many of you heard about the new strains on the trip. (If not read the previous post). Thank you to all the prayer warriors out there. God has already laid out the "new", more price efficient path (I say new because it is new to me... but He knew all along).

Praise God!

New Strains... Need your prayers

2009-11-13T07:49:00.003-06:00

Last night I got an email from Robin, the woman who lives in Entebbe and just started the orphanage. It seems that the more affordable housing option that Mitchell and I were hoping for may not be available during the time that we are there. The prices that we would be paying for the new options are four times more per month. Needless to say this has me a little bit worried.

Pray that God eases my nerves. I know that this is His plan and that He will provide us with a path and a method to get down that path. Pray that somehow the guest house option (the more affordable option) becomes available. Pray that God reminds me of His always present provision in my life.

Thank you in advance for your prayers!

Really God... YOU want to use me

2009-11-06T09:03:00.002-06:00

As I have been packing for Mitchell and my weekend trip to Dallas to talk to Cristo Viene's youth about our upcoming trip to Uganda and all of the need that is there I have been listening to the Mwangaza children's choir. Mwangaza is Swahili for "shining light" and that is what their voices are, pure and innocent light that holds the hope for the future of Uganda.

I started crying thinking, "Why do I get to go be your hands and feet God? Are you sure that I am the one that you want to use? I fail you all the time. There are others that are better suited for this." Yet from within me I hear that still small voice saying, "Don't you trust me Cassidy? I chose you to do this. I have a plan for you. I have known since before you were born that I would send you to my children across the world. I have been preparing you for this since you were born"

What a humbling experience to be chosen by God! He must love me so much. And you want to know a not so secret secret? He loves you too. He is especially fond of you. He has a plan for you that will knock you off your feet because of the magnanimity of what He wants to lay before you.

I will never be good enough to accomplish His will, yet when I live through Him, He will give me more than enough to share His love. And that is what we need, the pure undefiled love that comes directly from the Father.

Ants in my Pants

2009-10-21T12:35:00.003-05:00

I am so wiggly. I can't stay still. I am always making lists of things we need, things we don't need, things we need to get, what we need to pack, all for Africa. I guess it is kind of a waste of time but, in a weird way I kind of feel helpless. I feel like I should already be there. I should be caring for the orphans, and walking down to the market to run errands.

I find myself already starting to dress the way I will need to while in Africa (long skirts and covered shoulders) and needless to say I am getting some funny looks when I go some where in a floor length tie die skirt with a pashmina wrapped around my shoulders, but I don't even care.

I need to get there! January 16th can't come soon enough.

Thank you for all the prayers from everyone. I used to think that I could separate myself from the past and from people in it but I have realized that everyone I come in contact with, even that guy at the gas station 2 years ago that asked if I was okay, has shaped me, changed me, and molded me.

Some changes to "me" were definitely good, others were good disguised as pain. It is so crazy what God does to make us the people that He can use to better the world. I hope that he uses Mitchell and I in awesome ways to help shape the future of Uganda.

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane Don't know when I'll be back again!

2009-10-06T13:20:00.002-05:00

Mitchell and I have purchased our tickets for Uganda. We will be leaving January 16th and then leaving flying from DFW to Atlanta to Amsterdam to Entebbe. On April 16th we will leave Entebbe fly to Amsterdam then back to DFW. I am so excited.

This week we are starting to send out fundraising letters. Please pray that God uses our family and friends to get us where He wants us to go.

It is so strange because two years ago I would have never thought that my heart would be in Africa. I went to mission trips in Mexico and I speak Spanish I thought my heart would always feel connected there. But now I here of riots in Kampala and my heart aches, I hear of abandon children and I feel like I need to get there to take care of God's precious children. I believe that God is raising up a generation in Africa that will be able to lessen the heartache. He is raising up a generation of leaders who won't live on handouts and that will better themselves and their community. He is raising up people who will look past the pain of the past and hope in the future by setting up farms that can sustain thousands of people. He is raising a generation of believers that will help educate others on what it means to live a safe life in Christ.

Now is the time that this orphan continent needs your prayers and your help.

Uganda on the Horizon

2009-09-28T09:14:00.002-05:00

As Mitchell and I prepare to go to Uganda we are getting very excited. We heard that Robin has purchased a compound where the orphanage will be housed. The compound has avocado trees, papaya trees, and banana trees! We have also seen pictures of the guest house that we will be renting while we are there and it looks very nice, much nicer than I was expecting.

I have to say my excitement is through the roof. Yesterday, Mitchell and I were playing Sorry and he asked what I was most excited about. As I started answering, I couldn't stop. The idea of getting to live in another country, the opportunity to minister to people that are truly in need, the chance to make a difference in a life that may not have had a chance for survival. My list is endless. I just start smiling every time I think about our trip.

I know it won't always be easy but, I know that God has prepared the way and that His paths are good and perfect!

Learning After Education

2009-08-22T17:01:00.002-05:00

Now that I am finished with my degree I have found something peculiar and wonderful. I am falling in love with learning all over again! Since I have graduated I have learned a lot. I have learned how to quilt and opened an online boutique ( www.cassidycay.etsy.com ). I have read things, and not because they were assigned, I have read them because I wanted to and they were interesting to me. I am finally excited about doing in depth Bible studies again because it isn't just homework anymore. Current book of study, Acts. I am also studying Swahili and anxiously reading about Uganda and the culture of the people.

I am loving this time of learning. My passions that had been brutally stunted by the tedious frivolities of formal education are blooming and growing in my "new" life. Last night Mitchell and I even had an "intellectual" party. We watched Alfred Hitchcock's, "Rope" and then discussed the existence of a superior human. How fun!

Go, go, go. Go learn about the world, about what it has to offer, about God and his love for you, and about you! Search, explore, and find yourself in a light you may not have expected.

His Mercies Are New Every Morning

2009-08-11T13:42:00.003-05:00

Yesterday a good friend of mine and her husband welcomed their first son into the world. (I was thinking the 11th so the 10th was a pretty close I guess, I also had the underdog vote since everyone was thinking about a week past her due date of the 8th) Thinking about the amazing miracle and gift that a baby brings really just opened my eyes and allowed me to see God's blessings in everything.

I love thinking about all of the beautiful memories that I have and all of the unforgettable moments in my life that are yet to come. On Sunday night I went to eat with some family friends and talked to their kids most of the dinner (3rd, 5th, 7th, and 12th grade). Watching their 5th grader made me think of all the fun times that I had with my little sister as we were growing up. I think of the wonderful summer days with just a trampoline and a water hose. I think about the entire upstairs of our house covered with Barbies and Barbie paraphernalia. I think a sister is one of the best gifts anyone could ever ask for.

Thinking about miracles, I also remember summer camps during high school and getting to see God move without the distraction of friends, family, and school. It was at one of these retreats that God really showed me that He has a specific plan for my life.

I also thought about my wonderful husband and how God put us together so young and made it so obvious that we were meant for each other. I think that the plans God has for Mitchell and I are probably very big and I think they probably are also a little scary and painful that is why God put us together young so that we can build that teamwork, connection, and intimacy to be able to face the most scary times together.

There also are numerous unforgettable moments that are yet to come, like having kids, our trip to Uganda, our 50th wedding anniversary, Caroline's family coming together, Davis's family coming together, grandchildren, hopefully getting one of my stories published (In no particular order of course).

Life is so rich and full of blessings I think I forget it occasionally and then I start to feel low. Please pray that God continues to show me the blessings in the small things like looking at a friends new baby pictures or if my potted plants ever bloom. His mercies are new every morning and I will be praying that God makes these abundantly obvious to you so that you can praise Him and glorify Him. If He does such amazing things for birds, and flowers, and trees how much more does He want to do for you, His beautiful creation that He gave life and intelligence and beauty to?

Misguided Ambition

2009-07-29T10:38:00.005-05:00

Today I have been feeling super crafty, even though I should be feeling super "I-love-to-pack-up-the-entire-apartment-y". Because of this misguided ambition I have finally finished a project that I started a while back. A little bit ago I decided that I wanted all of my kids to have homemade stuffed animals but, I knew that by the time I had kids I would have no time to make amazing crafts so I started to make them now. I have a doll and a lion finished, the lion was just finished this week. The doll is called Luna she is made of two old pairs of pants and two t-shirts. The lion is called Kiki and he is made of two pairs of pants and two tanks. The hair/mane took a really long time and Mitchell even did a little bit of stitching on both of their hearts.

I have also been thinking a lot about what to take to Uganda (I know I don't leave until January but I do already have a packing list). I loved the baby dress that I found on www.etsy.com (another "evil" distraction from packing the apartment). I think it would be pretty easy to make and it is super cute. All I need is a cheap sewing machine or to borrow someone's machine.

We get the keys to our apartment on Friday so I need to get most of the packing done by then. Mitchell helped a lot this morning and did a couple of boxes. Yay for husbands!

Yesterday I was at Plato's Closet selling some of my old clothes and somehow the manager and I started talking about my trip to Africa and she gave me some really good suggestions on where to get things donated from. Pray that God continues to place people in my life to talk about Africa with. I think the best way to keep joy and passion for anything is to talk about.

Often times at summer camp, or anything else that Mitchell and I do with the youth group from church, the kids ask me "How do I keep my passion for God and this fire that I have?" I think the answer is pretty simple, often way to simple for us to understand, just share the love of God. Tell others about what Jesus has done for you and that is where passion comes from.

Stay passionate, bold, and ambitious!

A Real Page Turner

2009-07-27T09:32:00.003-05:00

When you are young and in school teachers ask "What are you going to be when you grow up?" and you generally respond along these line "teacher", "doctor", "fire fighter", or "penguin trainer" (If you have my little sister's cunning cooky-ness). But really this question doesn't make much sense to me because every time that I have a plan, and man is it a good plan, God comes in and changes my plan to his even better plan. He takes my decent and makes it fabulous.

As a young child I wanted to be lots of things and to tell you the truth I am very few of those things. I wanted to be a model but, at all of 5'3 that isn't an option. I wanted to be a pediatrician but now the idea of an office job like that is kind of boring to me. I wanted to be an artist and yes I occasionally paint or craft but nothing with the beauty of a DaVinci, Monet, or even Picasso. But what I am now is amazing. I am actually letting God direct my plans and He has led me someplace super awesome. I am now a 20 year old college graduate, with a degree in mathematics none the less, thanks in large part to the Texas Academy of Mathematics and Science. I have a wonderful husband (again thank you TAMS haha). I write quirky children's stories that I hope will eventually get a response (I don't worry though, because Dr. Seuss sent out around 100 queries before receiving a positive response and I only have sent 5). I always thought that God would use me somehow in the US and didn't see myself as a "world traveler" yet now God has given me a passion for the world and different languages and He is sending me to Uganda.

My advice to anyone who needs a little direction in life: tell God "I don't know what is coming next but I want you to pick". I no longer feel like the sole, clueless author of my life. I feel like a character in the story of the world and this story is a real page turner. I can hardly wait to see what will come next.

This Saturday, Mitchell and I are moving apartments. Pray that I focus and get everything packed (if you are bored this week come sit on my couch and tell me to pack things, I'll even make you some lunch). Also pray that there aren't any big problems with our new apartment like roaches or rats or holes in walls or creepy neighbors.

World Perspective

2009-07-23T09:37:00.002-05:00

This year I have been focusing on changing my perspective from an "American" perspective to a "World" perspective. God doesn't just think about the US, He doesn't just bless the US, and He doesn't just hurt when He sees His people in the US hurt. I have been expanding my point of view and this has done several things for me.

I feel so blessed, not just because of all the amazing opportunities in my life but, for the simple things. I have air conditioning, access to a washer and dryer, if there was an emergency I would be able to get to a hospital. I am able to freely read my bible and freely worship my God, our Creator. As a woman, I am able to get an education, to own property, to get a job. If someone were to abuse me or hurt me justice would be found.

I also realize that God placed me into a life of blessedness for a reason. I am here now so that I can go and tell of God's love. God put a heart in my body that cannot help but share the love and compassion of God wherever I go. He put me here, in this blessed life, so that I would have access to the resources needed so that I can go, so that I can be His hands and feet.

I also, now that I have knowledge about how the rest of the world lives, cannot revert to a former, more ignorant self. As I walk around town and hear people complains that they only were able to get 5 shirts when they went shopping with their mom because "money was tight", I just want to shake them. "At least you have money, you have clothes". In the US we are among the richest in the world. That means even going to the worst parts of the US, much more than half of the world lives in worse conditions than that. Don't believe me? Wiki the Human Development Index which is a combination of life expectancy, literacy rates, and standards of living. The US is color coded deep green, the highest rating possible. Central and South America and Asian countries are light green to yellow, mid ratings. Then Africa is orange and deep red, the lowest possible ratings. Here people live on less than a dollar a day, die from easily preventable diseases. Here is a continent of orphans whose parents were just children themselves, stolen by HIV and war that they were forced into.

Now that I know I cannot ignore the rest of the world. In the same way that when I learned that God loved me so much that He sent His son, who died and then rose again to save me from a life a slavery to desires of a dying earth.

Today, and in your life, try shifting your focus from one of self pity because of our "bad economy" to one that feels blessed because we have an economy and a government that is at least existent. Shift your focus from what you don't have to what they don't have and how you can help. Shift your prayers from "God help me, God give me" to "God bless them, protect them, raise up harvesters to go and tell them that you love them". I am calling you to shift from comfortable ignorance to unsettling knowledge.

The Beginning

2009-07-20T17:07:00.000-05:00

So I have caved to the allure of blogging. I named my blog The Fount of Blessings because my life is so blessed. God has gifted me with a wonderful husband, an amazing opportunity to go to Uganda in January for three months, and He has blessed me with knowledge and wisdom.

I want to share the joy of my life here as well as my many ponderings that I roll around in my all too cluttered head. I am always thinking and would like to share those thoughts with you.